xxmadsenxx

Well, she's there.

The night before she went, she went out with her friend and they did three balls...that's 10.5 grams, or 5.25 grams each. That's quite a bit. They stayed up all night, so she hadn't slept in at least 30-36 hours the day she went to rehab. I guess she wanted to go out with a bang. I can understand that though...you definitely want to do it one more time before you know you have to quit. At least I did.

I really hope this works for her. :\

So...the other shit I have to write about.

1) Annie and I are still together, and everything is going really well. She's still an anti-sexual virgin, but other than that everything's great haha.

2) My son is amazing as always. I can't complain there. :) I love having him live with me full-time.

3) Work is going well. I was recently promoted, which is good. My job is boring, but I can't complain since I get to listen to my iPod almost the entire time, and now I only have to answer to one person.

4) Jenny (my ex-wife) started using cocaine again. She still confides in me, which is why I know this. Justin (her once ex-husband, now boyfriend) doesn't know about it. I feel partially responsible for it. I know it's not my fault if she chooses do to coke, but I feel like I somehow contributed to it in some way. I NEVER did coke around her when we were together. She was never around it when she was with me, regardless of the fact that I was doing it all the time. So technically I didn't introduce her to it or anything like that, but I somehow feel as though my addiction caused her to try it. I don't know exactly what I'm trying to say...I just feel guilty. She was doing it recreationally for a little while a few months ago, but then she stopped. She started up again about two months ago and has been doing it fairly regularly ever since. Now she'll go on sprees where she'll do it for four days in a row or so, stop for a few days, and then start again. She typically does it two to three times a week, but sometimes she has "good weeks", which means she gets to do it more. She told me that she has spent $800 on coke in the last six weeks. For a coke head, that's not a lot...I went through A LOT more than that, but luckily I was either dating or good friends with most of my dealers back in the day, haha. But anyway, it worries me. Justin is very well off, so she has plenty of disposable income, and he'll never even notice where her money is going...until she starts spending hundreds and hundreds a week anyway, which I'm afraid may end up happening.

I can't decide whether or not I think she's addicted just yet. I don't think she knows either. She hasn't said that she wants to stop, only that she should. She claims she has it under control. Her reasons for that are that one, she doesn't do it "all the time" (but that's a matter of definition). Two, she "doesn't HAVE to do it, but just wants to". Three, she doesn't do it when the kids are around. Four, she doesn't bring it home with her. YET. I don't think those are really valid justifications, but whatever. If she's not already addicted, I think she's becoming an addict and it scares me to death. She has SEEN what addiction does to people. She went through it with me. She's such a smart girl...so I don't know why she would do this after seeing what it does to a person and to their family. My coke habit caused so many problems for me, for her, and for our family. Now she's doing the same damn thing, or at least she's going down that path. Part of me will always love Jenny, and she's breaking my heart by doing this to herself. I don't know what to do. I think Justin NEEDS to know, but I don't think it's my place to tell him, even though we're friendly and on good terms now. If she doesn't tell him and it gets much worse, I won't have any choice but to tell him, but as of right now I'm not sure what to do. I don't think she needs rehab YET, but I think she's well on her way. She doesn't understand how much of a downward spiral it really is. She has seen it happen before her eyes, but she still has no idea how trapping and controlling it can be. Once you get dragged in, it's extremely hard to get back out. You start out thinking you have control and can quit at any time, but there's a very fine line between being in control and losing control, and I think she's close to crossing it. I really don't want to see Jenny destroy her life.

I don't know what to do. Thank God I have custody of Evan though. I just don't want this to have any type of negative effect on her daughter. She needs to stop.


Other than that, things are great!

I'm really bothered right now.

I found out that Jenny tried cocaine about a week and a half ago, while I was gone. I can't get mad at her for it, because then I'd be a hypocrite. I rarely do any drugs at all anymore (with the exception of smoking pot occasionally), but from time to time, I'm not going to lie...I'll slip up and do something. But it's not a habit anymore. It was once, but it's not now. I did way too many drugs when I was younger, and I've seen firsthand what they can do to people.

She has an addictive personality, and that's part of why I'm so bothered by it. I don't want it to become a habit. Plus she has eating issues, and she said that it made her not even want to eat, so I'm afraid she may do it more because of that.

She knows it bothers me. I tend to get quiet and not talk much when I'm bothered by something, so I haven't talked to her about it very much.

But it bothers me. A lot.