xxmadsenxx

Sorry, I'm on a posting spree.

Sometimes I really, really, really fucking miss being in a band. I had so much fun playing in bands. Some of the funnest times of my life. There's just something about playing live in front of people. I still love playing guitar by myself or with friends, but playing in a band is so much different. I love the energy of playing live. I love the loudness. I just love all of it. I haven't played in a band in a long time now. Five-ish years. But it was so much fun.

There were some drawbacks though.

When I first started dating Jenny I was in two bands, and it made our relationship kind of difficult. One time I only saw her twice in over a month because I was touring around with my band. I think it was close to six weeks. That was before we were married, so we'd been together for less than a year...maybe only like six or seven months. I don't remember. But it was hard on both of us. Later on in our relationship it caused problems. Playing bars meant I was drunk all the time (not like that wasn't true most of the time regardless), and that caused problems. Me being away playing shows caused problems. Especially once Evan came around. When he was a baby that caused a lot of problems. When I had my last relapse I was touring with my band and fighting with Jenny over it. I'll admit, I was selfish. I didn't have my priorities straight. I put drinking, drugs, and my band first a lot of the time, and that's a huge part of the reason we got divorced. The drinking and drugs played a much bigger part than the band did, for sure. But the band had a role in our break up, because it contributed to the drinking, drugs, and fighting. We would have gotten divorced whether I was in a band or not. But it didn't help. It wasn't the fact that I was in a band that caused problems. Jenny liked it at first. It was just everything that came with it and the fact that I let it take up so much of my time and energy that caused problems. I could have and should have handled it differently. I know that now, but I'm much, much different now, and that's a really good thing.

It would be fun to be in a band again. I'd know how to handle things this time, and I don't think it would cause problems. But 1) I don't have time, 2) I don't think being around the bar scene is a very good idea for me, and 3) I feel kind of old for that...but I know plenty of people still play in bands when they're my age or older. At this point in my life, being in a band wouldn't be the greatest idea. There are parts of it I miss, but there are also parts of it I don't miss. I just get nostalgic sometimes, I guess.

Honestly, I don't think it would be the same sober. That doesn't necessarily mean that it wouldn't be as much fun, but it might mean that. There was so much alcohol and so many drugs. Drugs and alcohol were everywhere, and it was pretty fucking fantastic at the time. I got so much free alcohol, and so many free drugs. Coke was all over the place. And before Jenny, so many girls. Seriously, you want to get a lot of girls, join a band. Girls seem to be drawn to guys in bands. Granted, a good portion of those girls aren't the type of girls you'd really want a long-term relationship with, but some of them are. That's definitely not what I wanted out of it though. It was quantity over quality for me for a while, for sure. I wouldn't want that now if I was single. But when I was younger I fucking loved all the attention from girls.

That whole "sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll" thing really was a lot of fun. I prefer my life now though. I'd never trade what I have with Jenny and my kids for that old lifestyle. Yeah, I had fun, but so many bad things came along with it. I'd much rather be a sober family man than a constantly fucked up manwhore in a band haha.