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Aug. 2nd, 2008 04:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xxmadsenxxI met up with Justin today, and told him everything. Jenny will be on her way to rehab on Monday. She begged me to let her do coke one more time before she goes, but I am not going to enable her. If she's going to do it, she can do it on Justin's watch...I'm not going to be responsible for that. I have enabled her too much already.
She has spend at least $2500 on coke in the past two months or so...at least that's what she has kept track of. She said it could be closer to $3000. That's not all that she has done though, because her friend buys it too...so they have done close to twice that in two or three months. That's close to as bad as I was...but at least I had hook ups that would just give it to me sometimes, or at least charge me a lot less.
I still can't believe she brought that shit into MY house. It must have been a trigger, because I ended up having a really vivid dream about doing coke. Part of me didn't want to wake up from it, which isn't good. I still miss the stuff in a way, but I know that I'll never touch it again. I have no desire to. I hope she'll be able to get to that point. I just hope that rehab will work for her the FIRST time, unlike me...I went multiple times. But then again, I struggled with my addiction for over a decade.
I'm just really worried about her. Even though we aren't married anymore, I still feel the need to look out for her and protect her. I still love her with all my heart. I'm not IN LOVE with her anymore, but I will always love her. I want the best for her, and it kills me to see her doing this to herself. I finally understand what it feels like to be the person on the other side, rather than the addict. It's hard. I feel terrible for putting so many people through the same thing, year after year after year.
I feel bad for Justin. He has absolutely no experience dealing with things like this. He and I used to despise each other, but over the past few months we have actually become friends. I'll try to help him through it as much as I possibly can.
Jenny still claims that she doesn't have a problem. She says that it's a spending problem, because she impulsively spends money all the time, whether it's on clothes, makeup, or drugs. But spending a few thousand dollars on cocaine in the course of two or three months is NOT just a spending problem. Especially since she freaks the fuck out when she can't get coke if and when she wants it.
She needs help, and I'm really glad that she's finally going to get it.
She has spend at least $2500 on coke in the past two months or so...at least that's what she has kept track of. She said it could be closer to $3000. That's not all that she has done though, because her friend buys it too...so they have done close to twice that in two or three months. That's close to as bad as I was...but at least I had hook ups that would just give it to me sometimes, or at least charge me a lot less.
I still can't believe she brought that shit into MY house. It must have been a trigger, because I ended up having a really vivid dream about doing coke. Part of me didn't want to wake up from it, which isn't good. I still miss the stuff in a way, but I know that I'll never touch it again. I have no desire to. I hope she'll be able to get to that point. I just hope that rehab will work for her the FIRST time, unlike me...I went multiple times. But then again, I struggled with my addiction for over a decade.
I'm just really worried about her. Even though we aren't married anymore, I still feel the need to look out for her and protect her. I still love her with all my heart. I'm not IN LOVE with her anymore, but I will always love her. I want the best for her, and it kills me to see her doing this to herself. I finally understand what it feels like to be the person on the other side, rather than the addict. It's hard. I feel terrible for putting so many people through the same thing, year after year after year.
I feel bad for Justin. He has absolutely no experience dealing with things like this. He and I used to despise each other, but over the past few months we have actually become friends. I'll try to help him through it as much as I possibly can.
Jenny still claims that she doesn't have a problem. She says that it's a spending problem, because she impulsively spends money all the time, whether it's on clothes, makeup, or drugs. But spending a few thousand dollars on cocaine in the course of two or three months is NOT just a spending problem. Especially since she freaks the fuck out when she can't get coke if and when she wants it.
She needs help, and I'm really glad that she's finally going to get it.
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Date: 2008-08-03 08:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-03 06:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-03 10:20 pm (UTC)I hope she´ll really go to rehab on Monday, she needs help so badly. And hopefully it will work for her. It´s bad that she´s still seeing only a spending problem though I think.
It´s so great that you´re trying to help her and care about her so much!