Insanely tired

[xxmadsenxx]

I came home for lunch, and of course Jenny and the baby are both asleep. Oh well. I'm jealous. I wish I could sleep right now. Last night was a REALLY bad night with Ella. Really bad. I almost wanted a drink. Just a night cap. Of course, with me, it would never be just a night cap haha. So obviously I couldn't have one. But oh my God, she screamed NON-FUCKING-STOP. Seriously. I got MAYBE an hour and a half of sleep, broken up into three parts. It was awful. It's not just the lack of sleep that was bad. Lack of sleep is bad enough. But the screaming wouldn't cease. No matter what we did. She just shrieked. She's one month old today, and this has been going on since she was about three days old. I'm about to go insane. It got a little bit better for a few days a week or so ago, but that didn't last long. And even when it was better, it still wasn't good. She has an appointment with her pediatrician on Friday (I think...or maybe it's Monday), so hopefully she can shed some light on it. It has to be colic. But I was reading up on it, and most doctors won't diagnose it unless it goes on for a couple months. I REALLY don't want this to go on for much longer. Jenny and I started getting a bit snappy with each other last night and this morning. Not fighting or anything...we were both just grumpy as hell. Not that that's an excuse.

Fuuuucccckkkk.

Even energy drinks aren't helping today. Neither is coffee. I feel like a fucking zombie. Seriously. Everything is like...hazy. I don't know how else to describe it. It's like I'm drugged, but not in a good way.

I just can't believe how much different she is from Evan when he was a baby. I've said this before, but it's seriously like night and day. They're completely different. I hate it. I love Ella with all my heart, but I hate this nighttime screaming shit so much. I hate how she sleeps so much better during the day, but gives us hell at night. She's still pretty fussy during the day, but it's NOTHING compared to how she is at night. I know I've been bitching about this subject a lot...A LOT. But I can't help it. I'm jealous that Jenny is able to get in at least a few hours of sleep during the day while Ella is asleep. So she gets more sleep than I do, and I have to go to work all day after almost no sleep. I can't help but be a little jealous. And jealousy breeds resentment, and I don't want that. I think Jenny and I need a night away. Soon. I'll ask my mom to watch her for a night, and we can just go to a hotel and have a night to ourselves. It will be a sexless night, hotel and all (as in absolutely nothing more than kissing) but at least we'll be able to get some sleep. And we really need some time together. Just the two of us. All of this crap is driving us apart.

Ugh.

Sorry, just had to vent. I'm just sooo unbelievably tired. I think I've had a total of 7 or 8 hours of sleep in three days. And I never get more than two hours or so at a time. Ever. Neither of us do. Jenny and I split the nighttime stuff, but the screaming still wakes both of us. Uggghhhh. Fuck.

Comments

[xxmadsenxx.livejournal.com]

We tried everything there, I mean. Keeping her up, sticking to a schedule...none of it worked.