Cokehead at the gas station

[xxmadsenxx]

I went to the gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes, and I saw this guy who was coked up out of his mind. When you were addicted to cocaine for a long time, you can usually tell the difference between someone who's on coke, crack (even though that's technically still cocaine) and meth very easily. I could tell by his appearance, his mannerisms, little movements he made, the way he talked...everything. He smelled like vodka, too. I just kept thinking, "Damn, I hope I didn't look that bad or at least come off like that back when I was doing the same thing." I probably did though, and that's kind of depressing and embarrassing at the same time. Pictures of me from back then are bad enough...so I'd hate to see what I looked like in person and how I moved, acted, talked, all of that back in the day.

A lot of the time when I see someone on coke, it bothers me and/or makes me crave it. I guess it did bother me this time, but not in the same way. I didn't crave it. I didn't crave it because he looked like shit and acted completely coked out. Not in a fun coked out way...in a bad, way too coked out way.

As much as I struggle with it sometimes, I am so glad I don't do that shit anymore.

Comments

[xxmadsenxx.livejournal.com]

I think I probably looked about that bad during my worst times, but the rest of the time I looked pretty normal. At least that's what I've been told. But I was just so used to doing it all the time that it didn't phase me, so I didn't really look any different. But when it was really REALLY bad I'd look like I haven't slept in a few days.

What would the money part have to do with it? Because they're doing coke over crack? Crack is wack haha. Fuck that shit. Even if I didn't have the money, I'd get it and spend it all on powder cocaine. Seriously, fuck crack. Cocaine habits get to be expensive as hell. I'm afraid to try to add up how much money I've spent on it since I first started haha. But any, my point is that coke is better, and I think cokeheads tend to look better than crackheads. Usually, not always.

It was strange, but interesting. Plus it was nice to actually get out of the house, even if it was just a short trip to the gas station less than five minutes away.