Cokehead at the gas station

[xxmadsenxx]

I went to the gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes, and I saw this guy who was coked up out of his mind. When you were addicted to cocaine for a long time, you can usually tell the difference between someone who's on coke, crack (even though that's technically still cocaine) and meth very easily. I could tell by his appearance, his mannerisms, little movements he made, the way he talked...everything. He smelled like vodka, too. I just kept thinking, "Damn, I hope I didn't look that bad or at least come off like that back when I was doing the same thing." I probably did though, and that's kind of depressing and embarrassing at the same time. Pictures of me from back then are bad enough...so I'd hate to see what I looked like in person and how I moved, acted, talked, all of that back in the day.

A lot of the time when I see someone on coke, it bothers me and/or makes me crave it. I guess it did bother me this time, but not in the same way. I didn't crave it. I didn't crave it because he looked like shit and acted completely coked out. Not in a fun coked out way...in a bad, way too coked out way.

As much as I struggle with it sometimes, I am so glad I don't do that shit anymore.

Comments

[xxmadsenxx.livejournal.com]

I can't avoid cravings. I can resist cravings. There's a difference. Cravings happen sometimes whether I like it or not. But seeing this guy just made coke seem really unappealing. But thank you. Haha pizza cravings need to be satisfied sometimes! Better to crave pizza than something worse.

[xxmadsenxx.livejournal.com]

I didn't mean to sound short there, if that's how it came across. I'm just saying that I can't avoid cravings. Sometimes they just can't be avoided. That's a fact of life for me. I just choose not to act on them.