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That was a long subject line haha.

Just recently I was saying that it seemed like Jenny's pregnancy was going by kind of slowly, but not anymore! Now that it's January it just dawned on me, that holy shit...the baby will be here in about four months. Crazy.

We need to start getting stuff ready, or at least start thinking about it more lol. We kinda talked about that a little bit last night, like getting the baby's room ready and all of that. Jenny is going to start dragging me shopping like crazy. That's not an understatement. Seriously, I'm going to be dragged into every baby store and baby department of stores, and every place that sells baby anything. I mean, I'm happy to go, but she is seriously going to go crazy with it. She's a bit of a shopaholic as it is, and she has already bought the baby a bunch of stuff. But she's going to go crazy with the room. And I know everything is going to be pink. Overwhelmingly pink. Sickeningly pink. Not that I have anything against pink, but Jenny goes crazy for everything pink, and she's always pointing out (and buying) all this pink baby stuff. That room is probably going to end up looking like gallons and gallons of Pepto Bismol exploded all over the place. And I'm probably going to be the one who has to paint it. I'll be seeing nothing but pink by the time I'm done. If I even tried to say we should hire someone, she'd roll her eyes at me and say "just do it," lol. So there's no point in even trying. Oh well, whatever. Whatever makes her happy. I guess hiring someone to paint one room isn't really worth it anyway. I fucking HATE painting though. It's fine for about the first 45 minutes, but after that, I hate it. HATE it. And it takes a hell of a lot longer than 45 minutes lol. The worst part is the edges and like door frames and all that shit.

We're talking about names a little more now. We still have four months, so it's not like there's a huge rush or anything. But I guess it would be nice to have one picked out. I don't know, I don't really care. Ok, that sounded bad. I do care. I just mean that I don't care whether or not we come up with a name in the immediate future. As long as the baby ends up with a name when she's here and isn't "Baby Girl Madsen" forever, that's really all that matters haha.

I am SO happy that Jenny and I are back on good terms. We obviously have some things we need to work on, both individually and as a couple. Obviously we'll have arguments and occasionally fight, but we can't go beyond that. It can't be the way that it was recently. We have talked about it quite a bit since. It's stupid for us to fight like that. We really, really love each other and are really excited and happy about the family we have together, and it's just stupid to let bullshit, overly dramatic fights like that get in the way of things. I'm sure it will happen again at some point. But I'm hoping fights like that will be few and far between. Ideally, they'd never happen...but knowing us, that's not realistic. As long as we make a major effort to work on things, we'll be fine. Relationships are so far from easy, and Lord knows ours has been rocky as hell, and downright crazy at times. But at the end of the day, we love each other and want to be together, and we'll do everything we can to make it work. I have faith in us.
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Sorry for the flood of updates...I just have nothing better to do with myself right now. Well, that's not true. I'm bored, but I'm lazy, so I don't want to do anything but sit here.

Like I said in my last entry, Jenny is almost 21 weeks pregnant now. The little weekly e-mail thing she gets said that the baby is about the size of a banana. That's kind of vague...I have seen some big ass bananas, and also some really little ones (and no, I'm not thinking of plantains). I'll just assume it's a medium-sized banana.

Jenny got after me for not coming up with a name(s) yet. I told her she needed to help out with the middle name like she said she would, or I would name it after Sid Vicious. Of course I wouldn't. Not even if it was a boy. I need to stop calling the baby "it," now that we know she's a girl. Bad habit haha.

The baby can hear sounds now. Jenny told me (half jokingly) that she was going to start putting headphones on her belly with Britney Spears playing loudly, so that she could get an early start turning the baby into a Britney fan. I told her "Heeeellllllll no," and said that if she did that, I'd start playing hardcore street punk all the time, and put headphones playing that on her belly every time she went to sleep. She vehemently opposed to that lol.

In unrelated news...

Jenny makes the best cheesecake ever. Seriously. I was about to go have a cigarette, but forget that...I'm having more cheesecake instead. I had some earlier today and forgot about it until now. Heeelllllll yes. Maybe that's how I can quit smoking...have Jenny make cheesecake all the time, so that it's always around. But then I'd just get fat. Plus it would probably get old after a while, and too much cheesecake would be sickening. Her cheesecake is seriously amazing though.

My LJ mail keeps freezing. It has been doing that for a couple of days now. Seriously...LJ hates me. It's always something.

I still haven't heard anything from Allison. I guess that's over and done with! Thank God. I am SO glad that I don't have to deal with that crazy bitch. If I never talk to her again, it will be too soon.

Life is good. :)

Christmas

Dec. 28th, 2011 10:09 pm
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I hope you all had a great Christmas! I know we did. Jenny surprised me with an amp that I really wanted. I also got a few video games, some DVDs, clothes, stuff like that. We got Evan a TON of stuff. I think we went a bit overboard. That seems to happen every year though haha. Oh well, I'm glad we're able to do it. I got B a new acoustic guitar, which he was REALLY excited about. I got Jenny a Kindle Fire or whatever, and a bunch of other smaller stuff. Well, I guess the necklace I got her doesn't really count as "smaller stuff." Not at all. Nice jewelry isn't cheap! But Jenny loves it, sooo she gets it. Evan didn't forget about the bracelet he wanted to get for Jenny, so I caved. I don't think a kindergartner needs to give his mother a $250 bracelet, but he wanted to get it for her SO bad. He had his heart set on it, which I thought was pretty cute. Apparently he has very good taste in jewelry, because Jenny loved it. He also got his little "girlfriend" jewelry for Christmas, although it definitely wasn't anything like what he got for Jenny haha. No way am I spending more than like $20 on jewelry for his 5-year-old so-called girlfriend lol. So Jenny took him to pick something out for her. I have created a monster by feeding into Jenny's love for jewelry all the time. Evan really is convinced that he has to get jewelry for girls. I'm screwed lol. Oh well, his little girlfriends aren't getting diamonds until he can buy them himself.

Evan said another thing he shouldn't have said. He didn't swear this time, but he did something I specifically told him not to do. A while ago I had a talk with him about never saying anything about Jenny "getting fat," since that's what he called it before. Well, he did. We were watching The Santa Clause and he made a joke about Tim Allen's character "getting a big, fat, round tummy just like Mommy," AND of course he said it in front of her. I don't remember EXACTLY what he said, but it included what I just mentioned, word for word. There was more to it than that. I just don't remember what his actual joke was. I know he was kidding, but I had specifically told him NEVER to say anything like that, and especially never to use the word "fat" around Jenny. So much for listening to Dad, haha.

I have only felt the baby move like twice since I felt it the first time. I'm sure I'll feel her move a lot more later on though, and it's not like the first time was very long ago. It is seriously the coolest feeling. I've noticed that I automatically rest my hand on Jenny's belly a lot, like when we're just sitting around or lying in bed. I don't even do it on purpose...my hand just goes there automatically. I didn't really notice that I did it so much until B's girlfriend said something along the lines of, "It's so cute how you always have your hand on Jenny's belly!" I knew I did it sometimes, but I didn't realize just how often. Jenny doesn't mind, so it's all good. In fact, a lot of the time she puts her hand over mine. It's kind of nice. I guess I just like being able to feel the baby, whether she's moving or whether I'm just putting my hand on Jenny's rapidly growing baby bump. I like it. I'm cheesy, I know. I'm just really happy and excited about the baby. Jenny is almost 21 weeks pregnant, so more than halfway through! I can't wait. :)
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Sorry to post one entry right after another, but I thought the one about B was deserving of its own post.

I haven't heard from Allison. Not one word. I'm starting to think that Steve told her that he talked to me. I can't think of any other reason that she would just leave me alone completely. It has been SO nice though. No complaints! Maybe this whole thing is over and done with. I sure hope so! Whether it is or not, I still feel so incredibly relieved after everything that Steve told me. Allison's complete lack of contact just makes me feel that much better.

I'm supposed to start thinking of baby names. Jenny basically put me in charge of choosing her first name. Obviously she'll veto it if she doesn't like it lol. It's not like she wants me to be 100% responsible for it...ultimately it will be a joint decision. But said she wants me to come up with at least a few names I like, since she named Evan. I got off easy with him. I knew I wanted part of his name to be Jeremy, after my twin, obviously, but I didn't want to actually call him Jeremy. I think that would have been weird. Jenny picked the name Evan, but we liked the sound of Jeremy Evan more than Evan Jeremy, so Evan's first name is actually Jeremy. We have just never called him that. Soooo since I got off easy with that one, I have to be more creative with this one and actually think of names that I like. Well, I have a few names that I like, but I need Jenny's middle name ideas. It would help if Jenny would settle on a middle name, so I at least had something to go off of! I'm making it sound like it's ALL up to me, but it's not. Like I said, ultimately we'll decide on a name together...first and middle. But yeah...that's something I'm supposed to be thinking about. I guess it's kind of cool.

I feel like Jenny's pregnancy is going by SO slowly! She's still in the 17th week. Toward the end of it, but still. It probably seems like it's going by slowly because of all the problems she had during the first trimester. That, and because we're both so excited. It seems like it went by a lot faster when she was pregnant with Evan! Of course, that's only how it seems in hindsight. I'm sure it wasn't really that way. It probably seemed like it was taking forever then, too. Jenny and I are just SO eager and excited to meet our little girl, and Evan can't wait to have a baby sister. He's still REALLY excited about the baby, which I'm very happy about.

Ugh, I still have quite a bit of Christmas shopping to do. The shit with Allison put me even further behind than I would have been otherwise. I still would have been behind, like I always am, but not THIS far behind. I'd better get on it, fast, before the crowds get even worse. Thank God for online shopping...at least I can do some of it that way. About half of what I've bought so far was bought online. Haha. It's the easy, lazy way to shop! It's nice to be able to buy stuff in the middle of the night, and not have to go anywhere.

Speaking of Christmas, I'm watching Bad Santa right now. I love this movie. It's on MTV though, so it's edited and there are commercials. Oh well. I was surprised that MTV was actually playing something I like. I don't really want to get started on the subject of the shit that is MTV though haha. I have this movie, but somehow the DVD disappeared. The case is there, the disk isn't. Very convenient.

Anyway...I suppose I'll shut up for now. It's nice to go be able to post about happy things again though. :)
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Yesterday afternoon I was taking a nap because I had trouble sleeping the night before, and Jenny shook me awake in a panic. She was crying and looked extremely upset. I asked her what was wrong, and she told me that she was cramping really badly. She said it felt like the cramping she had when she lost the last baby. So of course I was immediately wide awake. She was in quite a bit of pain, and we were both pretty scared.

Jenny called her doctor, and she told us to come in right away. So I asked B to watch Evan, and we went. They did some tests and an ultrasound, and everything is fine. Her doctor said it was just round ligament pains, which happen when the uterus grows and causes ligaments to stretch and pull. It's normal, but Jenny had never experienced pains like that before. She knew about round ligament pains, because I think all women get them...or at least most. I don't know. In her previous pregnancies she had round ligament pains, but they weren't as sharp or severe as these ones were, so she didn't realize that's what it was. She said they felt more like the pains she had when she miscarried last time.

I'm glad we went to the hospital, even if it wasn't necessary. It's better to be safe than sorry. I don't think either of us could handle losing another baby. Especially not four months into the pregnancy. We lost the last baby at three and a half months, so this scared the shit out of me. But luckily everything is ok. Jenny's doctor told her that bed rest is the best thing for the pains and that she should just take it easy for the next couple days. Jenny felt kind of dumb, and like she made a big deal out of nothing. I don't think she did though, and her doctor doesn't either. Her doctor had told her before to call ASAP if she had any type of pain or symptom she was unsure of, and today she said the same thing. She said she doesn't want to take any risks, since Jenny has already had so many problems. I'm just happy to know that Jenny and the baby are ok.

But anyway...something good came out of this!

We found out that we're having a girl! Most likely, anyway. Ultrasounds can more accurately determine the sex of the baby at 18-20 weeks (Jenny is 16 weeks pregnant), but the doctor said she's about 99% sure it's a girl. Jenny and I both had a feeling it was a girl. That's weird. We were eager to find out, so it's cool to know a little early.

Jenny is excited to start shopping. Shopping more, that is. She has already bought some gender-neutral things. But now I know she's going to go crazy with all the little girl stuff. Jenny's favorite color is pink, so something tells me this baby is going to have even more pink stuff than most baby girls do...which is A LOT.

I'm excited to have a little girl. It will be fun to have one of each. Evan seems to be excited too. When we told him that the baby is a girl, he said, "Good, a little sister is what I wanted!" Honestly, I think he would have said the same thing if it was a boy; he just would have replaced "sister" with "brother." But I'm glad he's excited.

I can't wait to meet my little girl. :)
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Jenny is 15 weeks pregnant now. We just started telling other people about the baby. It's nice to not have to keep it a secret from everyone but our immediate families and just a couple close friends anymore.

We told Evan about the baby yesterday. It's crazy how much more he understands this time compared to last time, with the baby we lost. Well, I guess it's not crazy, since he was over a year younger then. But there was still a huge difference in his level of understanding. He's excited about it. He said that he can't wait to have a baby brother or sister, and then he said, "I'm going to be the best big brother in the whole world!" It was really cute.

Evan said something hilarious when we told him, too. He looked at Jenny and put his hand on her stomach and said, "So that's a baby in there. Oh, ok. I thought you were just getting a fat tummy." I busted out laughing. Jenny blushed and laughed a little. I think she felt kind of embarrassed or something. Or at least self-conscious. I don't know. But it was fucking hilarious. Sometimes kids say the funniest things. I love how uncensored they are. You can definitely tell she's pregnant, unless she's intentionally wearing certain styles of shirts or jackets or whatever to hide it. But now she doesn't need to do that anymore. She wouldn't be able to hide it much longer if she tried to, anyway.

I told a few of my coworkers, so of course the whole office found out. News like that seems to travel fast haha. Jenny and I went to dinner with a group of friends tonight, and told them. That's not why we went to dinner with them or anything...it just made sense to tell them since we were all together. There were eight of us, and I hadn't seen half of them for a few months, so it was pretty fun. I'm glad the secret's out. Our extended families will find out about it on Thanksgiving, and everyone else will find out about it sometime soon, I'm sure. I have already told a few other friends, and so has Jenny. Everyone has been really supportive and happy for us. It's such a relief to be in the "safe zone" now. We both feel SO much better, because we can finally just relax and stop worrying about it. We haven't really been THAT worried for the past month or so, but we're both still really relieved.

I think the fact that we told Evan about the baby together this time says something about us as a family. When Jenny was pregnant before, I talked to Evan about it by myself, because at that time I knew he'd feel more comfortable and more willing to ask any questions he had if it was just me. Jenny hadn't even moved in yet. They had a pretty good relationship then, but he still hadn't entirely warmed up to her. Now things are totally different. I think he'll always be closer to me than he is to Jenny, but they have a really good relationship, and they're close. He trusts her and opens up to her now, and I am so happy about that. Jenny is too. I know how sad she was about Evan not fully trusting her and not being very close to her. She has worked really hard to repair her relationship with him, and it has definitely paid off. Being able to sit down as a family to talk about it meant a lot to me. It might not sound like that big of a deal, but it was to me. I just feel like it shows how far we've come together.

I still can't get over Evan telling Jenny he thought she was just getting a fat tummy lol. Maybe it's one of those things where you just had to be there, but was seriously fucking HILARIOUS.
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Well, she's pregnant. We found out a day or two after I posted that pregnancy scare entry, but I kept forgetting to post an update until now. I'd think about doing it, and then get caught up with things and forget to do it.

Anyway...

I've had a few weeks to process it, but I still have mixed feelings about all of this. Part of me is happy that we're having another baby, but at the same time, it's just such bad timing. I'm still not sure that we're at a point in our relationship where we're ready for this, but there's not much we can do about it now, haha. I know that I'll love this baby with all my heart, just like I love my son, and I know that Jenny will too. I just wish this would have happened a year or two from now instead. Oh well. It is what it is, so there's no point in dwelling on the negative parts. Overall, it's a good thing...I've always wanted a couple of kids, so I'm happy.

Jenny and I still aren't technically living together, although since we found out that she's pregnant she's been staying over a lot...so we basically live together. I really don't want her living on her own while she's pregnant. Especially since she got so sick and had problems before. Not only that, but I want to be able to help her and support her and be by her side whenever she needs me. It just wouldn't feel right if we didn't live together...that's not the way it's supposed to be. So, I asked her to move in. We're kind of in the process of doing that right now.

So here goes round two, I guess. I hope everything works out better than it did the first time around. Things have been great so far, so we're off to a good start.
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We're having a pregnancy scare right now. I don't even know how to start this, and it will probably be all over the place, because I'm so extremely stressed and exhausted right now. Not just because of this, but this definitely doesn't help. Another baby just wasn't part of my plan right now, but plans kind of change unexpectedly sometimes. It's strange...last night I had a dream that we had another baby. Looks like that dream may very well become a reality.

This is pretty long... )
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Sorry for the lack of updates...and for the lack of comments on all of your journals. (If any of you are still reading this, anyway.) I've been so busy with everything that I completely forgot about this thing. Well, I didn't exactly forget, I just didn't think about it.

My big news for this update: Jenny and I eloped. We had thought about it before, but later decided to hold off until after the baby was born, and have a big, "proper", traditional wedding...but then we changed our minds again. And it's for the best, I think. We're planning on having a reception type ceremony for our friends and family later on. But we just wanted to hurry up and get married. And I couldn't be happier about it. Besides, I have never really been proper or traditional.

Anyway, things are going great. I'm still clean, with no slip-ups. Jenny is about 4 1/2 months pregnant now. She's already had a few ultrasounds, because she's considered a high risk pregnancy...I'll go more into detail on that later...but we still don't know if the baby is a boy or a girl. The baby has had its legs crossed or been in some other position that made the doctor unable to tell every single time. Three times now? Yeah, it's been about three times.

She's high risk because, as I have written about before, she gets REALLY sick. With her last pregnancy she had to go to the hospital a few times, and she's already been a few times this time around, too. Plus, about three weeks ago she started bleeding. Just spotting, but still...that's bad. So we had to go to the hospital again. Everything turned out to be fine...they just kept her overnight to make sure. And of course I stayed with her. That was definitely pretty fucking scary, but everything is fine now, and she hasn't had any problems since then.

She has a little belly now. Of course she's self-conscious about it. It's Jenny...I'd be surprised if she WASN'T self-conscious about gaining weight and getting a belly. But I think it's adorable. There's something sexy about it...I don't know. She claims she's huge...but she really hasn't gotten very big yet.

Oh, another thing...I think I have decided to go back to school (for real this time) when the new semester starts. I need to get my act together. I'm clean now, and that's definitely a plus...but I need to grow up and make something more of myself...for my family.

Well...there's my little update. I hope all of you are doing well. I have no idea if anyone will still even read this, but I felt like updating anyway.
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It's not morning sickness. It's ALL THE TIME sickness. I'm convinced. I don't understand why it's called that when it seems to happen all the time. Especially late afternoon and nights. Just an observation.

I feel bad for Jenny...she's been so sick this past week. I'm kinda worried about her. I don't know if I should be or not though. I probably don't need to be. She said she was like this last time, and that it just comes and goes...but it still worries me.

It's strange. I never used to worry about anything. Seriously, I was the last person to ever worry. I probably should have worried a lot more back then. But ever since I've been with Jenny and been a third parent to her daughter, things have changed. A lot. In a lot of ways, I'm an entirely different person. And that's probably for the best.

I don't have much else to say. I just thought I'd update.

Baby stuff

Jul. 22nd, 2005 01:47 am
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I went to the doctor with Jenny today. She was really sick and dehydrated. When she was pregnant with her daughter (my step-daughter), I guess she got so sick that she had to go to the hospital twice. Today she seemed like she was getting to that point, so we went. Everything's fine...they just had to help rehydrate her.

It sucks that she's so sick, but one good thing came of it. I got to hear the baby's heart beat for the first time...one of the coolest things I've ever experienced. It just made it all seem more real. And after hearing that, there's NO WAY I'm going to start using again and fuck everything up. No way in hell.
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I haven't updated or commented forever. So sorry for that.

Anyway...man. I had no idea pregnant women were so...I don't even know what word to use to describe it. Insane. Some of it's good, but some of it's not so good. The good: I've learned that for Jenny, hormonal = horny. I can't complain much about that. Jen is a bit moody anyway...but even more so now. I knew that would happen, but damn...I didn't know there would be so many extremes. Especially this early on. I'm new at this. I have no idea what to expect, AT ALL. So it's definitely pretty interesting. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind at all. It's just weird. She'll be mad at me or bugged for some reason one minute, and all over me the next. Then she'll be sad and depressed about something, then she'll complain about being fat and not wanting me to see her body (though it's still too early for her to even be showing), then she'll want to eat anything and everything, then she'll complain about being fat again. Although that last little bit isn't much different than normal.

I've tried to be accomodating. If she wants fries at 3:00 in the morning, I go get them. If she wants sex at some ungodly hour, of course I'm not going to turn that down haha. I've been doing everything for her. She wants it, she's got it. If something needs to be done, I do it. It just bugs me when she gets mad and bitches at me for absolutely no reason, after I've been running around at her beck and call non-stop. But I guess I should just get used to that. She doesn't order me around or anything, but some part of me feels like I need to be doing everything for her, and basically waiting on her hand and foot.

Anyway...I've been clean since that last entry I made. I've still been drinking a little bit, but nothing more. At all. I think I might finally be getting this thing under control.


Sorry if nothing I said made sense. I'm fucking tired. Long weekend.
xxmadsenxx: (Default)
Sorry, I haven't updated in quite a while. I haven't even been on to read journals or leave comments in about two weeks, so I apologize for that. I've just had a lot of shit going on. My new band and I have been writing material, and my other band has been playing a lot of shows lately. Between that and everything else going on in my life, I just haven't had time to get online. But I'm back now.

Anyway, the main reason I'm writing is because yesterday I found out some HUGE, life-changing news. I'm going to be a dad. Jenny is pregnant. I found out last night. It was really unexpected...we were out partying with some friends. It was one of her best friend's birthdays, so we had a little party for her. Everyone was drinking, except for Jenny. She hasn't been drinking at all for the past few weeks because she was trying to diet, so I didn't think anything of it. But then one of her friends offered her a daiquiri, which Jenny never turns down, but she did. So her friend jokingly said "What, are you pregnant or something?" and Jenny just didn't say anything. That friend, Jenny, me, my brother, and another one of my friends were the only ones there when that happened. She didn't say anything and just looked up at me and smiled. We all knew when she did that...you could see it in her eyes. I automatically picked her up and gave her a huge hug and twirled her around like a fucking moron. I was ecstatic. Part of my reaction could have been because I was a little buzzed...but that's okay.

She said that she had planned on telling me later that night, after we got home. She took a test earlier that day. I still can't believe it. We're going to have a baby. I'm going to be a dad. I'm still in shock. Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy about it...it just came as a surprise. We were planning on waiting a little while, but I don't mind at all. I have never been so excited about anything in my life. We already have a daughter, from when Jenny was married, and I love her like my own but my own baby? I've never been so happy and excited about anything. Seriously.

She said that she was nervous and afraid to tell me though, and that really bothers me. I don't know why she'd feel that way. I asked her why she would be afraid to tell me that, and she just shrugged and told me that she didn't know. There's absolutely no reason why she should be afraid to tell me anything, especially something like that. So that bothers me. But it's not a big deal I guess.

I can't even think right now. Sorry, I'm not being very articulate, but I'm tired...last night was draining in more ways than one. But in a good way.

Anyway, I just thought I'd share my news. Sorry for the lack of updates and comments.

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