Pregnancy Scare (?)
Oct. 5th, 2010 11:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xxmadsenxxWe're having a pregnancy scare right now. I don't even know how to start this, and it will probably be all over the place, because I'm so extremely stressed and exhausted right now. Not just because of this, but this definitely doesn't help. Another baby just wasn't part of my plan right now, but plans kind of change unexpectedly sometimes. It's strange...last night I had a dream that we had another baby. Looks like that dream may very well become a reality.
I honestly don't think this is just a scare. I think she's pregnant. She often has irregular periods and really bad PMS symptoms, so it's not as easy as just waiting for a missed period. She had a bit of spotting a few days ago, but it only lasted for about two days and was about 5 weeks after her last period ended. She didn't think anything of it at first, since similar things will happen sometimes and she's rarely exactly on schedule, but it's usually not just really light spotting for only two days. In addition to that, she's been having stomach cramps and feeling sick. She's been eating a lot more than usual, and always wants ice cream or shakes. She's also getting lower back aches, and her breasts are sore. All of these things usually happen right before she starts her period and for the first few days of her period, and sometimes her menstrual symptoms are really bad, but I don't know...it's different. I don't know how to explain it, but it is. She has also been kind of fatigued lately. The upset stomach, sore/tender breasts, light spotting that didn't last very long, back aches, and fatigue are the things that stand out the most to me. Like I said, she usually has all these symptoms before/during her period, but they have been going on for a couple weeks now...longer than they usually would if it was just a menstruation thing.
We've been careful and using condoms, but I know that's not 100% effective. There have been times where we haven't used anything, but that hasn't happened for a few months. However, we did have one break like 3 or 4 weeks ago...something like that, I'm not sure exactly. I'm thinking that was the culprit. Jenny doesn't take birth control because of some of the side effects. She has tried multiple kinds, and they all give her really bad migraines and cause her to be dizzy and nauseous, and they also seem to make her depressed. She gets migraines sometimes anyway, but when she's on birth control they're much more frequent and much, much worse. She saw a neurologist for it, and both he and her gynecologist suspected that the birth control pills were causing her symptoms. She tried switching birth controls a handful of times, and it still didn't help. So both doctors suggested that she stop taking them to see if it helped, and it did. Also, a couple of the types of birth control she tried spiked her blood pressure, so her doctor took her off of those ones immediately. I would kind of prefer that she not take them anyway, because of the cancer risks and stuff like that. I know there isn't really conclusive evidence, but there's enough that it worries me a little. ANYWAY, that's why she's not on birth control...she's had a ton of problems with it.
She's going to take a pregnancy test tomorrow. We just talked about it tonight. I'm so stressed. I just have so much going on right now, so this is REALLY bad timing. I really don't need this right now. I'm sure I sound extremely selfish saying that, but it's true. Don't get me wrong, I'll support her 100% and everything...it's just bad timing. I'd love to have one or two more kids, but right now is not exactly the ideal time, for a few reasons:
1. My mom's cancer. She's doing well, but it's not over. I'm worried about her and it's a huge source of stress, and emotionally exhausting. I need to be there for my mom and help her as much as I can, and it's hard enough as it is.
2. School. Well, I guess that's not a huge issue right now...I'm not ready to take the GRE anyway. I'll just have to postpone it for a year. I'd need to take it by December, and I won't be prepared for it. I could have been, but my mom being diagnosed with cancer kind of put things on hold, understandably. Jenny being pregnant would just make it even harder. But yeah...since I won't be ready anyway, maybe that's not much of an issue. The bigger problem is that I can't start grad school if we're having a baby right before the beginning of the semester.
3. Our relationship. Jenny and I have been back together for over a year now...14 months next week. We started sleeping together four or five months before that, so it's been quite a while now. About a year and a half I guess, but our actual relationship started about 14 months ago. It's strange to think we were engaged after 8 months and married after 13 months. I guess we rushed it a little, but it felt so right at the time. Anyway, things have been great since we've been back together, but given our history I'm not sure we're ready for another baby. I love Jenny with all my heart, and I want nothing more than to have one or two more kids with her and for us to be a family again, but I'm not so sure we're quite to that point right now. Things are going amazingly well and I couldn't be happier about that, but we went through so much in the past and had so many issues...I just don't know if we're ready.
4. Work. My schedule is so busy. My normal job takes up a lot of time, and I'm still working at the youth rehabilitation center as well, although that's only for a few hours a week. Technically I could cut my work schedule by about 5 hours a week or so without it affecting my salary, so I guess that's an option. It just means I might have to bring work home with me sometimes, when I'm really busy. But that's not a problem...I'd be happy to change things around with work a bit if I need to.
I know I sound like a selfish asshole. Of course I'll be happy if we have another baby, and I'll take care of Jenny and be right by her side the whole time. It's just not the greatest timing. I guess I don't know FOR SURE that she's pregnant, but we'll find out tomorrow. I'm almost positive that she is though. We shall see.
I honestly don't think this is just a scare. I think she's pregnant. She often has irregular periods and really bad PMS symptoms, so it's not as easy as just waiting for a missed period. She had a bit of spotting a few days ago, but it only lasted for about two days and was about 5 weeks after her last period ended. She didn't think anything of it at first, since similar things will happen sometimes and she's rarely exactly on schedule, but it's usually not just really light spotting for only two days. In addition to that, she's been having stomach cramps and feeling sick. She's been eating a lot more than usual, and always wants ice cream or shakes. She's also getting lower back aches, and her breasts are sore. All of these things usually happen right before she starts her period and for the first few days of her period, and sometimes her menstrual symptoms are really bad, but I don't know...it's different. I don't know how to explain it, but it is. She has also been kind of fatigued lately. The upset stomach, sore/tender breasts, light spotting that didn't last very long, back aches, and fatigue are the things that stand out the most to me. Like I said, she usually has all these symptoms before/during her period, but they have been going on for a couple weeks now...longer than they usually would if it was just a menstruation thing.
We've been careful and using condoms, but I know that's not 100% effective. There have been times where we haven't used anything, but that hasn't happened for a few months. However, we did have one break like 3 or 4 weeks ago...something like that, I'm not sure exactly. I'm thinking that was the culprit. Jenny doesn't take birth control because of some of the side effects. She has tried multiple kinds, and they all give her really bad migraines and cause her to be dizzy and nauseous, and they also seem to make her depressed. She gets migraines sometimes anyway, but when she's on birth control they're much more frequent and much, much worse. She saw a neurologist for it, and both he and her gynecologist suspected that the birth control pills were causing her symptoms. She tried switching birth controls a handful of times, and it still didn't help. So both doctors suggested that she stop taking them to see if it helped, and it did. Also, a couple of the types of birth control she tried spiked her blood pressure, so her doctor took her off of those ones immediately. I would kind of prefer that she not take them anyway, because of the cancer risks and stuff like that. I know there isn't really conclusive evidence, but there's enough that it worries me a little. ANYWAY, that's why she's not on birth control...she's had a ton of problems with it.
She's going to take a pregnancy test tomorrow. We just talked about it tonight. I'm so stressed. I just have so much going on right now, so this is REALLY bad timing. I really don't need this right now. I'm sure I sound extremely selfish saying that, but it's true. Don't get me wrong, I'll support her 100% and everything...it's just bad timing. I'd love to have one or two more kids, but right now is not exactly the ideal time, for a few reasons:
1. My mom's cancer. She's doing well, but it's not over. I'm worried about her and it's a huge source of stress, and emotionally exhausting. I need to be there for my mom and help her as much as I can, and it's hard enough as it is.
2. School. Well, I guess that's not a huge issue right now...I'm not ready to take the GRE anyway. I'll just have to postpone it for a year. I'd need to take it by December, and I won't be prepared for it. I could have been, but my mom being diagnosed with cancer kind of put things on hold, understandably. Jenny being pregnant would just make it even harder. But yeah...since I won't be ready anyway, maybe that's not much of an issue. The bigger problem is that I can't start grad school if we're having a baby right before the beginning of the semester.
3. Our relationship. Jenny and I have been back together for over a year now...14 months next week. We started sleeping together four or five months before that, so it's been quite a while now. About a year and a half I guess, but our actual relationship started about 14 months ago. It's strange to think we were engaged after 8 months and married after 13 months. I guess we rushed it a little, but it felt so right at the time. Anyway, things have been great since we've been back together, but given our history I'm not sure we're ready for another baby. I love Jenny with all my heart, and I want nothing more than to have one or two more kids with her and for us to be a family again, but I'm not so sure we're quite to that point right now. Things are going amazingly well and I couldn't be happier about that, but we went through so much in the past and had so many issues...I just don't know if we're ready.
4. Work. My schedule is so busy. My normal job takes up a lot of time, and I'm still working at the youth rehabilitation center as well, although that's only for a few hours a week. Technically I could cut my work schedule by about 5 hours a week or so without it affecting my salary, so I guess that's an option. It just means I might have to bring work home with me sometimes, when I'm really busy. But that's not a problem...I'd be happy to change things around with work a bit if I need to.
I know I sound like a selfish asshole. Of course I'll be happy if we have another baby, and I'll take care of Jenny and be right by her side the whole time. It's just not the greatest timing. I guess I don't know FOR SURE that she's pregnant, but we'll find out tomorrow. I'm almost positive that she is though. We shall see.
