xxmadsenxx: (Default)
I think I might go to a meeting tomorrow. For the past two days or so I have been thinking about drinking...a lot. No coke cravings, thank God, but the alcohol cravings have been pretty strong. I know that I won't drink, but I'm hoping that maybe a meeting will help kill the urge a little bit. I really don't like meetings though, so I don't know. I'm at a point where I am positive that I won't give in to my urges to drink, but I definitely still struggle with the cravings. I don't think they will ever entirely go away, although it has gotten better with time for the most part. I'm really bad at dealing with stress and emotions, so I'm not surprised that this thing is showing its face right now.

It probably wouldn't be a very good idea to ask Jenny to go with me, huh? I'm sure Annie would be pissed.

Edit: Not sure why I was even thinking about asking Jenny. Since she got out of rehab, the only contact we have really had has been regarding Evan, and that's how it should stay for now. She might get the wrong idea and think that I want our friendship to go back to how it was, but I don't want that. I only thought of her because she could be there to give me support, but I'll just ask my brother to go instead. Or I'll go alone.
xxmadsenxx: (Default)
I think I'm going to go to a meeting tonight. I'll just drop Evan off at my mom's house or something. I need to go. I can't deal with all of this on my own.

Even my fucking face shows the stress...not to sound femme, but I usually have really clear skin and I woke up this morning to find a few not so clear spots. What the fuck? I never get zits, but I guess my skin hates me at the moment. I'm too old for this shit.

I wish I wasn't such a dependent person. I'm always dependent on something...whether it's another person, drugs, alcohol, you name it. I really want to call Annie, but I know that I shouldn't. After all, I am the one who ended things. I'm still thinking that may have been a mistake. I guess I just have some soul searching to do.

Jenny called today, but I didn't answer. That's step one, I guess.

I don't know how long this "break" with Annie should last. Meaning I don't know how much time to give it before I consider getting back into the relationship, assuming she'll take me back. But I think she will.

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xxmadsenxx

April 2013

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