Feeling quite a bit better. :)

[xxmadsenxx]

I am feeling SO much better now. Having that little pizza and movie night with Jenny and Evan was really fun and relaxing. I needed that time with my family. I'm thinking a little more clearly now, and much more rationally. Talking to Jenny and B helped, and all of you guys have been a huge help as well. Seriously. I really do appreciate all the comments, advice, and insight. I know I have been posting excessively, but it's helping. It's a great outlet, and I appreciate the support all of you have given me. So thank you very much. :)

I'm not going to fight with Allison anymore. Not right now. There's no point. I don't care if she tries to start a fight; I'm not going to feed into it. She can throw around insults all she wants, but feeding into her drama won't help anything at all. It will make an already bad situation even worse. I need to be the bigger person and just take the high road. I didn't do that before; I shouldn't have said some of the things I said. I just lost it. But now I'm going to avoid situations where that could happen again. Trying to talk to her hasn't worked, and I don't think that will change. Obviously we'll have to talk and figure out a lot of stuff if he's mine (of course I'm still REALLY hoping he's not), but for now I just need to get the paternity test done and take it from there.

I sent her a short e-mail. I gave her the information about where to go and how to set it up. I told her that it would be best if we went at separate times, and to let me know after she went. When we talked on the phone we arranged to do it on Tuesday, but I'm going to go Monday. I don't want to run into her. It would be better if we didn't see each other; at least not right now. If the test shows that he is mine, obviously I'll have to see her. I'll cross that bridge if/when I come to it.

For now I just need to take things one step at a time. Thinking about all of this in its entirety is way too overwhelming. Ever since I got this crazy news I have kind of lost focus on all the good things in my life. I need to regain that focus. Having that little family night with Jenny and Evan made me realize that.

I still kind of want to talk to Steve (that acquaintance). If I do, I'm not going to tell him the details of our e-mail or phone conversations. I want to find out if he knows anything about the situation that I don't, or if there's anything I should know...stuff like that. I'm not going to bring the drama with Allison into it. I just want to see if he knows anything I don't. I still want answers. I'm clearly not going to get any from Allison. I might not get any from Steve, because I don't know if he knows anything other than the basics of the situation. If he does, I know he'll tell me. He isn't a huge fan of Allison either, and he and I always got along. We only talk a couple times a year now, but we do still keep in touch. I guess the only answer that REALLY matters right now is the answer to the question of paternity. I'd still like to know at least something right now though.

Comments

[xxmadsenxx.livejournal.com]

Thanks! :)

[xxmadsenxx.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I know, I usually think about things that way too. Sometimes thinking about things a lot is helpful, other times it's the exact opposite.

[invsiblmonster.livejournal.com]

So I just read up on all of this a little while ago... holy crap, dude. I wish I had more to say than that.

[xxmadsenxx.livejournal.com]

That's ok, "holy crap" pretty much sums it up lol.

[damedosbesos.livejournal.com]

I'm glad that your night with Jenny & Evan made you feel better! It's good that you have that support in your corner because you need it.

It's also smart that you won't give in to her cheap shots. To be honest with you, I would keep all conversations with her in email. It's easier to control it there & it's easier to show proof of what was said. Just in case Jason is yours (still hoping that he isn't) you may need this stuff to show proof.

Best of luck to you! I well definitely have you in my thoughts & prayers!

[xxmadsenxx.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much. :) I'm really happy that I have their support. I definitely do need it! I agree with you about only having conversations with her through e-mail right now. That's probably best.

[damedosbesos.livejournal.com]

My daughter's dad's family (on his behalf) are only able to contact me via email because of perry fights. It really cut back on it a lot due to the fact that everything was in writting. I hope it has the same result for you.