(no subject)

How can I tell Jenny to back off a bit without upsetting her too much? I don't want her to think that I don't care, because I do and I'll always be here for her. But our closeness causes problems in my relationship with Annie, and I don't want that to keep happening. I'm just not sure what to say to Jenny. I still want her to be able to confide in me, and I want to try to help her, but I guess it's going too far. Annie is afraid that I'm having an "emotional relationship" with Jenny. Depending on how you look at it, I suppose that could be true. But it's nothing like that. I'm just always there for her, and I know she'll always be there for me. Plus we have a son together. There is always going to be an emotional bond there.

I need to stop devoting so much time to Jenny. I can't keep talking to her all the time, because it's upsetting Annie. But I need to be there for Jenny at the same time. It's frustrating.

Still craving a drink. But obviously a cigarette will have to do.

(no subject)

We have a no alcohol rule in the house because of my problem with it (so obviously there's a no cocaine rule too haha), but last night my brother's friend had a bottle of Crown with him. I was SO tempted to have a drink, or two, or five...but I resisted. It took everything I had to resist because of everything I'm going through right now, but I did it.

I'm glad that my will power is finally stronger than my addiction.

I feel really good about resisting. It may seem like an easy thing for most people, but it's a huge feat for me.

Thank God for my son. Like I said before, if it wasn't for him I'd probably still be drinking and/or using. But I want to be the best dad I can possibly be, and I know I can't do that if I'm not sober.

(no subject)

I still can't watch the movie Blow. Or Scarface. Or anything like that. If it's heavy on the coke (or really, any drug) I still can't bring myself to watch it. If I do, I get an insane craving for it, and I don't want that.

I like those movies, so it kind of sucks that I can't watch them...but I suppose it's for the best. I guess I'm not ready to be exposed to things like that yet.

(no subject)

Jenny has called me THREE TIMES today. She's not even supposed to be allowed to use the phone that much. I only answered once. I feel bad for not answering the other times, but seriously...three times during the day is a bit much.

(no subject)

Uh oh. I'm in trouble. Annie came over about two hours ago. She just barely stormed out of my house because she saw an inappropriate text from Jenny...which simply said "I want to fuck you."
WTF? She should NOT be sending me texts like that. I'm getting really fed up with this whole thing.

I understand why Annie is upset...but she shouldn't be as mad at me as she is. I didn't do anything! Yeah, I have been putting up with her sending me shit like that...but it's not like I responded to it.

I need Jenny to back the fuck off. Being good friends is fine...this is not. I can't fucking deal with this shit right now.