Kids and drugs and all of that

[xxmadsenxx]

So...I'm going back to both jobs next week. I haven't worked at the youth center for a while now, but I feel ready to go back. It feels good to be able to say that. I miss it there. I only work there a few hours a week, but it's way more fulfilling than my "real" job.

Jenny went over to her best friend Jen's house (yeah, they have the same name...so sorry if this gets confusing. But Jenny = my Jenny, and Jen = Jenny's friend) and came back looking upset. She came up to me and said, "Chris, I really need you to talk to Jen about getting her cousin some help." So I asked her what was up. Jenny and Jen have been best friends since kindergarten. Jen's 19-year-old cousin, who Jenny has known since she was born, is apparently a hardcore drug addict. She's really bad on crack and heroin. Both of her parents are drug addicts. Her dad is in jail, and she goes from place to place with her mom, who she does drugs with. I think she said they're living out of a motel right now. So she has a pretty fucked up life. Jenny just found out about the whole situation today, because I guess Jen didn't really know much about it until very recently, because she hasn't seen that cousin for a while. Jenny is really sad about it, because she still thinks of Jen's cousin as the little girl she knew forever ago. Jen asked Jenny if she thought I could somehow help her get some type of treatment for her cousin. Jen said that she doesn't think her cousin would go willingly, but who knows. Maybe she'll go if it's presented to her the right way and she doesn't feel cornered and forced into it. Or maybe she just needs to know that she has options. But maybe she'll refuse no matter what. Since she's a legal adult, they can't really force her into it. If she were to get arrested on a drug charge I could easily get her placed into a good program. Hopefully that won't happen, but sometimes it's for the best. I work with a lot of kids who are court ordered into treatment, and many of them wouldn't have sought help on their own. Obviously that's not the preferred method, but hey...whatever it takes, I guess. I know Jenny's best friend Jen really well, but I don't know her cousin. I have met her cousin a few times, but it has been years since the last time I saw her. So I don't think she'd really be willing to listen to me, but I'll try to give Jen all the information I can and she can relay it and hopefully we can figure something out from there.

It makes me sad. Her cousin has had a rough life. Her dad has been in and out of jail pretty much forever, and like I said before, both of her parents are addicts. Her parents haven't been together for most of her life, but they've both been really bad examples. A couple years ago she told Jen that she saw her mom smoke crack. That is so fucked up. I don't care how hardcore of an addict you are...you don't do drugs in front of your kids. Addicts might not have control over their addictions, but they have control over whether or not they do it in front of their kids. They could go in another room and lock the door or something. Even during my lowest points, I would never think of doing drugs in front of a kid, let alone my own. You just don't do that in front of your kids. Now she and her mom do it together...go figure. With parents like that, the poor girl never really had a chance.

I hope she'll get help so that she won't end up like her parents. The sooner she does it, the better. I was 27 when I finally kicked my habit. B got sober right before he turned 17...so he did it really early. Hopefully Jen's cousin will be able to do it early, too. I don't even remember how old I was the first time I went to rehab. I want to say 18, but I'm not sure. I was in and out of drug treatment programs forever. Some in-patient, and a lot of outpatient. So I don't really know. I know that my mom put me in an intensive outpatient for the first time when I was 16. Then I went through court ordered treatment when I was 17 after I got arrested for possession of cocaine, since I already had a prior marijuana possession charge. But I think I was 18 my first time in residential treatment. I don't know. Something like that. Anyway, my point is that it might take a few tries, but the sooner she starts, the better. I just hope she'll do it. We'll see. I'll do what I can, but I can only do so much. I can't make Jen's cousin go. I can really only give Jen the information and try to help her figure out a way to talk to her cousin about it.

Seriously, if my kids ever touch drugs, it would kill me. It's heartbreaking to see kids go down that path. I would never want Evan or Ella to go through that, and I would never want to see that happen to them. At least I know what to watch for. I don't think they'd be able to hide it from me...I've used every trick in the book. Plus I can easily identify someone who's on something and exactly what they're on, even when other people might not take much notice. I know a lot of parents like to think they'd know if their kids were doing drugs, but I'm convinced I would know. Been there, done that. They wouldn't be able to hide it. I'm a pretty easygoing parent (at least so far...but I'm only six years in), but drugs are one thing I would be REALLY strict about. Zero-tolerance policy.

Anyway...

I'm teaching that class again starting the first week of June. It has been a while since the last one I did. I'm hoping I won't get any young girls trying to hang all over me this time. Hahaha. That was so awkward last time.

Damn, I need to go to bed. Surprisingly Jenny is still up and in the other room. I'm writing this in bed. I think I'm too tired and lazy to even go take my contacts out, so I'll probably sleep in them and regret it in the morning. Oh well. It just sucks when you first wake up. After a while it's fine. My contact case and solution are in the bathroom that's in our bedroom, so it's not like I'd have to go very far at all, but fuck that. Too much effort.

Yeah, it's time for bed for sure.

Comments

[xxmadsenxx.livejournal.com]

It's my past issues that will make me have a zero tolerance policy. If they want to smoke weed every so often, that's one thing. I'll cross that bridge if and when I get to it. But hard drugs it will be zero tolerance. I'm not going to just tell them they can't do it. I'm going to educate them about it and eventually tell them everything about me and my brother, so that hopefully they won't want to do drugs at all.

[xxmadsenxx.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean though. It's a bit hypocritical of me to tell them they can't do it. But given all the addiction issues in my family, they're already predisposed to it. So they're more likely to become addicts if they do it. Not saying they will, necessarily, but I want to do everything I can to prevent it. There's only so much I can do, I know. But still. I don't want them to ever go through what I went through, and I don't want to go through what my mom went through.

[memoryseason.livejournal.com]

Man I kinda know how you feel. I started drugs at 13 ( I know it's pretty fucked up) and I know that she is nineteen and is actually older then me but while I was doing drugs I really didn't care about anything. I didn't care about the dangers, I didn't care about my health, I didn't care about other people. I really didn't two fucks about anything.

I know it's hard to know that she is fucking her life up but if she is like me, during that stage she isn't going to do anything about her addiction unless she is some what forced.

Bt then again she isn't me so it could be entirely different.

[xxmadsenxx.livejournal.com]

No, I think you're right. I started doing drugs at the same age you did, and it took me a long time to finally quit. I was forced into treatment plenty of times, but it never worked. I think you have to want it in order for it to work. Forcing it on someone might work temporarily, but I think ultimately the person has to want to get sober in order for it to stick. That's why I can't really do much. I can give her cousin the information and hope that she'll take it, but that's really all there is to do. You can't make someone get clean if they don't want to. I hope she'll do something about it, but I kind of don't think she will right now. It's worth a try though.

[memoryseason.livejournal.com]

The treatment and programs didn't help me one bit. But just for I got sober I was the biggest fucken mess. I did some fucked up things in at the end of it. I didn't say anything to my mum and I am pretty sure up to this day she still doesn't know about anything that went on but she just knew that I lost it. If my fucked up ness was on a graph it would have just dropped and my mother just knew.

She left me with either leaving the country with my family here in cambodia or she is going to say good bye to me for good. She didn't yell and she didn't cry. She truely mean''t it. I choose my family and if she didn't do that I am pretty sure I would have died ages ago.

Those treatment thingo isn't really force to me. You have to go but after that, then what?

[xxmadsenxx.livejournal.com]

Yeah, they help some people, but not everyone. 12-step programs like AA and NA never helped me. They just pissed me off. The last time I went to rehab, which was a little over five years ago, it helped me. But I don't think it was just the program that helped me. I think what helped me is that I actually wanted it to work that time. Going through treatment is the easy part...it's the aftermath that's harder. Trying to stay clean when you're done. So yeah, I think the "after that, then what?" is the hard part.

It's crazy how drug addiction can make you do such fucked up things. It can really mess with you. Bad. Sometimes tough love like what your mom did is the best way to go. It's hard, but sometimes necessary. It sounds like you and your mom made the right decision. I'm glad choosing your family and leaving the country worked for you.

[xxmadsenxx.livejournal.com]

Oh, and as far as being forced into treatment...it's not really being forced into sobriety. It's being forced into temporary sobriety and a program. After the treatment program, whatever it is, it's up to the person themselves.

[damedosbesos.livejournal.com]

It is scary the things that some parents are willing to expose their kids to. When I worked at the shelter (which was for DV & drug users) it was really hard not to get upset with the parents, but then once you got to know their stories and see how they were raised it kind of made more sense. A lot of the time they are just repeating what they were shown or trying to numb everything else around them by any means. It sucks. That job really taught me that you shouldn't judge someone because chances are there is a reason they are the way they are.

I really hope that you are able to get the information to her & that she does what is best for her. Like you said though, if she does end up getting arrested it may be the best thing. We always tell clients here (I work DUI now) that a lot of people that are in AA or sober got there via court cards.

[xxmadsenxx.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it is scary. And I know what you're saying, but I guess it's kind of hard for me to not judge her parents. I grew up with an abusive alcoholic dad, and I repeated some of that. Not the abuse part, of course. But I was drunk a lot when I relapsed when Evan was a baby. Luckily I got sober when he was 13 months old, so he didn't really know anything. But I never did coke or any other drugs around him or around Jenny, even though I was doing them all the time and couldn't control it. I don't know...I guess I just think there should be boundaries. It's not that hard to go into the bathroom and lock the door. Your kid will probably still know what you're doing, but it's at least a little better than doing it right in front of them. I know very well that people are often the way they are because of things they've been through and things they've been exposed to, and personally, that's what made me want to keep it away from Jenny and Evan. I was drunk and high around Jenny all the time, but I never did drugs in front of her. Well, except smoking weed. But she used to do that with me sometimes. And I'd drink in front of her. I know everyone is different, and I really shouldn't be so judgmental. I just think that what I went through with my dad, my brother, and the fact that I'm a parent makes me think differently. But if I'm going to eventually do this as a career, I need to get over that. I think part of the reason it bothers me so much in this case, with this girl's parents, is because I know her family well. So there's that bias, which shouldn't be there, but it's hard to not be biased when you know the people. I don't know the cousin well, but I know Jen's family well. And the fact that it bothers Jenny and Jen so much gets to me. So there's that emotional involvement. That's the type of stuff I need to work on before I can do this type of stuff full-time.

I hope so too. She's been arrested before, once because a cop saw her beating her ex-boyfriend on the freeway, and once for marijuana possession. So being arrested on another drug charge might be the best thing for her, even though it would kind of suck for her. B got help because he was court ordered into it, and he probably wouldn't have otherwise. So sometimes that's the best thing for them.

Wow, that was a long reply haha.