Cokehead at the gas station

[xxmadsenxx]

I went to the gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes, and I saw this guy who was coked up out of his mind. When you were addicted to cocaine for a long time, you can usually tell the difference between someone who's on coke, crack (even though that's technically still cocaine) and meth very easily. I could tell by his appearance, his mannerisms, little movements he made, the way he talked...everything. He smelled like vodka, too. I just kept thinking, "Damn, I hope I didn't look that bad or at least come off like that back when I was doing the same thing." I probably did though, and that's kind of depressing and embarrassing at the same time. Pictures of me from back then are bad enough...so I'd hate to see what I looked like in person and how I moved, acted, talked, all of that back in the day.

A lot of the time when I see someone on coke, it bothers me and/or makes me crave it. I guess it did bother me this time, but not in the same way. I didn't crave it. I didn't crave it because he looked like shit and acted completely coked out. Not in a fun coked out way...in a bad, way too coked out way.

As much as I struggle with it sometimes, I am so glad I don't do that shit anymore.

Comments

[memoryseason.livejournal.com]

I know a what you mean about those sorts of cravings. I don't know if I feel sometimes is similar to yours but I sometimes...I don't know miss the feeling? Drugs was my easy escape from sometimes and I chickened out from my problems but now I don't do it anymore I face some crap straight on and it really sucks sometimes.

But like you I am glad that I don't touch that shit anymore either :)

I hope things get better for you. I really mean it.

[xxmadsenxx.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know what you mean. I definitely miss the feeling. And drugs and alcohol were my escape, too. For years and years. Blocking out a problem with drugs is a hell of a lot easier than facing your problems head on.

I'm glad you don't touch any of that stuff anymore either!

Thanks. :) Things will be fine.

[memoryseason.livejournal.com]

Want to talk to someone about these things, you can come to me anytime. I know that sometimes I would like to talk to some people but it's frustrating when they have no clue or hint of what I am feeling or they don't understand because it is something you have to have to experience to be able t explain it.

[xxmadsenxx.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I appreciate it. The same goes for you! It helps to have people to relate to. People who haven't been through it can sympathize, but they can't empathize. You can't really understand unless you've been there. You most definitely have to experience it in order to explain it and understand it. So yeah, if you ever need to talk about that kind of stuff, I'm more than happy to listen and at least try to help. Keyword: "try" haha.