Former Girlfriends
Sep. 19th, 2011 03:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xxmadsenxxI can't sleep, and for some reason I started thinking about some of my former girlfriends. Not in a nostalgic way...I don't miss any of them or anything. The subject of old girlfriends just popped into my head. They were all so much different than Jenny. It's strange.
Jenny isn't my usual type. I always went for punk type girls, and I usually preferred brunettes. There were a few really hot blondes though...but they had the platinum bleach blonde type hair. Well, except for one of them. Most of my girlfriends have had dark hair though. Jenny is blonde (but not naturally...not that it matters), and nothing like my previous girlfriends. I always dated girls who were into the same type of music as me, and had a bit of an edge to them. Jenny's only idea of punk before she met me was Blink 182 hahaha. I don't know what word to use to describe her "type". I don't want to say prissy, but that's the word that's coming to mind. I really wish I could think of a better word, but I'm drawing a blank. I don't know. She's just a lot different than the rest of them. Not the type I'd usually go for. She's absolutely gorgeous, so it's not that I wouldn't have been attracted to her before. She's just not the type I was used to dating. I don't know how to explain it. I'm tired, so I can't think very well.
Annie was kind of in between Jenny's type and the type of girls I used to date. She looks the part more than Jenny does, but she's absolutely nothing like my previous girlfriends either (well, except for the crazy part). Annie was definitely the most naive, innocent "good girl" I have ever dated. Looking back, I dated some girls I really shouldn't have. Some (if not most) of them were complete skanks, now that I think about it. Although I guess I don't have much room to talk. I did date them, after all...and I was pretty promiscuous and badly behaved myself back then. Most of them were party girls, which makes sense, since that's all I used to do. A lot of them were people I drank and did drugs with, and we'd eventually just start dating. Then there were the ones I didn't actually date and just hooked up with. They were all the same basic type though...punk or punk-ish type chicks (alternative? I don't know what the fuck to call it) with dark, bleached, or brightly colored hair. I don't know if I just grew out of that phase, or if Jenny is just an exception to the rule. Jenny is definitely the most beautiful woman I have ever been with. Probably followed by Annie. Well, no...that's not true. One was equally as attractive as Annie, if not a little more so. Not that I rank them, haha. But anyway...
Her name was Nikki, and she happened to be one of my main coke dealers for a while. That's how we met. I needed coke one day and everyone I could get a hold of was dry, so my friend said he knew someone and called her. Things moved really fast with her. I ended up sleeping with her that night, but we were both wasted and high out of our minds. We were basically inseparable from that point forward. I spent all day, every day at her apartment. All we did was drink, do coke, and have sex, and honestly...it was amazing. She had this crazy sex appeal that I can't even begin to explain. That, plus the fact that she was insanely hot was great in and of itself, but the fact that I got A LOT of free coke out of it made it even better. That's not why I dated her, but it was a huge bonus. When I actually bought it, I got it for a lot cheaper than I would have otherwise. She always got amazing stuff, too. Some of the best coke and some of the best sex I've ever had in my life. Nikki and I dated for a little over a year. After we broke up we continued sleeping together, and then had an on again off again thing for another year and a half or two years...I don't even remember the exact amount of time. That whole stage of my life is kind of a blur. I just know that I met her when I was 20, and we went our separate ways when I was 23. She was a few years older than me. I'm pretty sure she was 26 when we finally ended it for good. We had a really bad falling out over a bunch of crazy, fucked up bullshit and never spoke again. I don't really want to get into that though, simply because it's a really long, complicated story. Damn, I haven't thought about her for a long time. I wonder how she is and what she's doing now. I hope she got out of that whole scene and quit doing that shit. Fuck, for all I know she might not even be alive anymore. That sounds fucked up, but quite a few people I used to hang out with back then have ODed and died. I really hope nothing like that happened to her. I think I would have heard about it if it did, but then again, I never really heard much about her after we stopped talking. So who knows. I hope she's alive and doing well though.
Then there was my first girlfriend/first love, Cami. I dated her for about three years, starting right after my 15th birthday. That's when I got really heavily into drugs. I'd been drinking and smoking weed since 7th grade, and I tried coke for the first time about a year after that. I just know it was shortly before I turned 14. By 15 I was a full blown addict. Being with Cami didn't help. She was a little over a year older than me which was cool, because I couldn't drive yet and she could. That was pretty convenient for drug runs. I did a lot of stupid things with her. I lost my virginity to her a few weeks before we officially started dating, so a couple weeks before my 15th birthday. Way too young. My son had seriously better keep it in his pants longer than that. Anyway, I was into coke before I met Cami, but it got really bad when I dated her. My twin brother Jeremy dated one of her best friends for a while. That friend was really into heroin. Before that neither of us had ever tried heroin. So that was when we first started doing that shit. He got really badly into it really fast. I mostly stuck to coke and alcohol. I did heroin with him sometimes though, up to (and including) the day he died. But anyway, we both went downhill fast after I met Cami. Drugs aside, Cami and I had the most fucked up relationship. It was good for about the first year, but after that it got crazy. She turned into a crazy bitch. She'd fly off the handle at everything, and I never knew when she was going to be normal or when she was going to be a bat shit crazy bitch. I put up with it though, because I was completely infatuated with her. The whole first love thing. Then she cheated on me, for the first time. I was pretty devastated, but I forgave her. Then she did it again, this time with a guy I absolutely hated. We got in a huge fight and I went and fucked some other girl. Then we made up and things were ok for about six months, until she cheated on me again. So I went and slept with someone else again too. After that things were great for a while. She even stopped acting crazy. That didn't last long though. Eventually she cheated on me with someone who I considered to be a pretty close friend at the time. That was the last straw. We got into a huge fight and I ended it with her, then went and beat the shit out of the guy. Needless to say, he and I didn't talk after that. Cami is the only girl I have ever cheated on. I wouldn't have done it if she hadn't done it first. I know that's no excuse...it was still wrong of me. I shouldn't have stooped to her level. I was 18 when we broke up. I've been cheated on a few times since then, but I never did it again, and I never will.
Amber was another really significant girlfriend. She was my post-Nikki girlfriend. I guess she was kind of a rebound, but it lasted for a while. I started dating her about six weeks after things with Nikki ended. We broke up at the end of 2003. She was the last girlfriend I had before Jenny. Amber was a good influence on me in some ways. She didn't do drugs, except for smoking weed. She drank a lot though. I don't know if I'd consider her an alcoholic...probably borderline alcoholic. We'd get drunk together every weekend, but I cut down on coke A LOT when I dated her. So she was a positive influence on me in that way. I still did coke, but not on a regular basis. I was only doing it two or three times a month, and by the end of our relationship I had cut back to about once a month. Nothing really happened between us to end it. She just felt differently about the relationship than I did. I loved her, but I wasn't really in love with her. I think I was for a while, but that feeling didn't last. She started hinting at marriage, and I freaked. I just kind of ignored it at first, but after a while I realized I had to end it. She wanted something from me that I really didn't want, and I didn't want to string her along. So I broke up with her. I felt really bad for hurting her like that, but I just didn't feel the same way.
Amber's influence on my drug use lasted for a long time. I was out of the habit of using regularly, and by the time I met Jenny in the summer of 2004 I rarely used coke. I smoked weed and drank, but I only did coke on occasion. Of course, the coke thing changed and I started using regularly again, but I wasn't using regularly when we met. Jenny and I were just friends at first. We started dating in September 2004. We got married a little less than 13 months later, and got divorced at the end of May 2007. Well, that's when we split. It wasn't finalized until a couple months after that. I dated Annie from January 2008 to March 2009. Jenny and I started sleeping together a few weeks after that, but we didn't get back together until August 20, 2009. She moved in with us in November 2010, and now here we are. Like I said at the beginning of this long ass thing, she's a lot different than the type I usually dated. But I have never been more attracted to anyone than I am to her, and I have definitely never loved anyone as much as I love her. Not even close.
I didn't mean for this to be so long. Wow. Well, there's a summary of my most significant relationships. There were a lot of shorter ones, some of which were pretty crazy, but if I wrote about all of those this thing would be at least twice as long as it is now. So I'll leave it at that. Damn, that was a lot of reminiscing. And now I'm even more awake than I was when I started writing this. Fuck...I really wish tomorrow wasn't Monday. I'm going to be tired as hell. Thank God for coffee.
Jenny isn't my usual type. I always went for punk type girls, and I usually preferred brunettes. There were a few really hot blondes though...but they had the platinum bleach blonde type hair. Well, except for one of them. Most of my girlfriends have had dark hair though. Jenny is blonde (but not naturally...not that it matters), and nothing like my previous girlfriends. I always dated girls who were into the same type of music as me, and had a bit of an edge to them. Jenny's only idea of punk before she met me was Blink 182 hahaha. I don't know what word to use to describe her "type". I don't want to say prissy, but that's the word that's coming to mind. I really wish I could think of a better word, but I'm drawing a blank. I don't know. She's just a lot different than the rest of them. Not the type I'd usually go for. She's absolutely gorgeous, so it's not that I wouldn't have been attracted to her before. She's just not the type I was used to dating. I don't know how to explain it. I'm tired, so I can't think very well.
Annie was kind of in between Jenny's type and the type of girls I used to date. She looks the part more than Jenny does, but she's absolutely nothing like my previous girlfriends either (well, except for the crazy part). Annie was definitely the most naive, innocent "good girl" I have ever dated. Looking back, I dated some girls I really shouldn't have. Some (if not most) of them were complete skanks, now that I think about it. Although I guess I don't have much room to talk. I did date them, after all...and I was pretty promiscuous and badly behaved myself back then. Most of them were party girls, which makes sense, since that's all I used to do. A lot of them were people I drank and did drugs with, and we'd eventually just start dating. Then there were the ones I didn't actually date and just hooked up with. They were all the same basic type though...punk or punk-ish type chicks (alternative? I don't know what the fuck to call it) with dark, bleached, or brightly colored hair. I don't know if I just grew out of that phase, or if Jenny is just an exception to the rule. Jenny is definitely the most beautiful woman I have ever been with. Probably followed by Annie. Well, no...that's not true. One was equally as attractive as Annie, if not a little more so. Not that I rank them, haha. But anyway...
Her name was Nikki, and she happened to be one of my main coke dealers for a while. That's how we met. I needed coke one day and everyone I could get a hold of was dry, so my friend said he knew someone and called her. Things moved really fast with her. I ended up sleeping with her that night, but we were both wasted and high out of our minds. We were basically inseparable from that point forward. I spent all day, every day at her apartment. All we did was drink, do coke, and have sex, and honestly...it was amazing. She had this crazy sex appeal that I can't even begin to explain. That, plus the fact that she was insanely hot was great in and of itself, but the fact that I got A LOT of free coke out of it made it even better. That's not why I dated her, but it was a huge bonus. When I actually bought it, I got it for a lot cheaper than I would have otherwise. She always got amazing stuff, too. Some of the best coke and some of the best sex I've ever had in my life. Nikki and I dated for a little over a year. After we broke up we continued sleeping together, and then had an on again off again thing for another year and a half or two years...I don't even remember the exact amount of time. That whole stage of my life is kind of a blur. I just know that I met her when I was 20, and we went our separate ways when I was 23. She was a few years older than me. I'm pretty sure she was 26 when we finally ended it for good. We had a really bad falling out over a bunch of crazy, fucked up bullshit and never spoke again. I don't really want to get into that though, simply because it's a really long, complicated story. Damn, I haven't thought about her for a long time. I wonder how she is and what she's doing now. I hope she got out of that whole scene and quit doing that shit. Fuck, for all I know she might not even be alive anymore. That sounds fucked up, but quite a few people I used to hang out with back then have ODed and died. I really hope nothing like that happened to her. I think I would have heard about it if it did, but then again, I never really heard much about her after we stopped talking. So who knows. I hope she's alive and doing well though.
Then there was my first girlfriend/first love, Cami. I dated her for about three years, starting right after my 15th birthday. That's when I got really heavily into drugs. I'd been drinking and smoking weed since 7th grade, and I tried coke for the first time about a year after that. I just know it was shortly before I turned 14. By 15 I was a full blown addict. Being with Cami didn't help. She was a little over a year older than me which was cool, because I couldn't drive yet and she could. That was pretty convenient for drug runs. I did a lot of stupid things with her. I lost my virginity to her a few weeks before we officially started dating, so a couple weeks before my 15th birthday. Way too young. My son had seriously better keep it in his pants longer than that. Anyway, I was into coke before I met Cami, but it got really bad when I dated her. My twin brother Jeremy dated one of her best friends for a while. That friend was really into heroin. Before that neither of us had ever tried heroin. So that was when we first started doing that shit. He got really badly into it really fast. I mostly stuck to coke and alcohol. I did heroin with him sometimes though, up to (and including) the day he died. But anyway, we both went downhill fast after I met Cami. Drugs aside, Cami and I had the most fucked up relationship. It was good for about the first year, but after that it got crazy. She turned into a crazy bitch. She'd fly off the handle at everything, and I never knew when she was going to be normal or when she was going to be a bat shit crazy bitch. I put up with it though, because I was completely infatuated with her. The whole first love thing. Then she cheated on me, for the first time. I was pretty devastated, but I forgave her. Then she did it again, this time with a guy I absolutely hated. We got in a huge fight and I went and fucked some other girl. Then we made up and things were ok for about six months, until she cheated on me again. So I went and slept with someone else again too. After that things were great for a while. She even stopped acting crazy. That didn't last long though. Eventually she cheated on me with someone who I considered to be a pretty close friend at the time. That was the last straw. We got into a huge fight and I ended it with her, then went and beat the shit out of the guy. Needless to say, he and I didn't talk after that. Cami is the only girl I have ever cheated on. I wouldn't have done it if she hadn't done it first. I know that's no excuse...it was still wrong of me. I shouldn't have stooped to her level. I was 18 when we broke up. I've been cheated on a few times since then, but I never did it again, and I never will.
Amber was another really significant girlfriend. She was my post-Nikki girlfriend. I guess she was kind of a rebound, but it lasted for a while. I started dating her about six weeks after things with Nikki ended. We broke up at the end of 2003. She was the last girlfriend I had before Jenny. Amber was a good influence on me in some ways. She didn't do drugs, except for smoking weed. She drank a lot though. I don't know if I'd consider her an alcoholic...probably borderline alcoholic. We'd get drunk together every weekend, but I cut down on coke A LOT when I dated her. So she was a positive influence on me in that way. I still did coke, but not on a regular basis. I was only doing it two or three times a month, and by the end of our relationship I had cut back to about once a month. Nothing really happened between us to end it. She just felt differently about the relationship than I did. I loved her, but I wasn't really in love with her. I think I was for a while, but that feeling didn't last. She started hinting at marriage, and I freaked. I just kind of ignored it at first, but after a while I realized I had to end it. She wanted something from me that I really didn't want, and I didn't want to string her along. So I broke up with her. I felt really bad for hurting her like that, but I just didn't feel the same way.
Amber's influence on my drug use lasted for a long time. I was out of the habit of using regularly, and by the time I met Jenny in the summer of 2004 I rarely used coke. I smoked weed and drank, but I only did coke on occasion. Of course, the coke thing changed and I started using regularly again, but I wasn't using regularly when we met. Jenny and I were just friends at first. We started dating in September 2004. We got married a little less than 13 months later, and got divorced at the end of May 2007. Well, that's when we split. It wasn't finalized until a couple months after that. I dated Annie from January 2008 to March 2009. Jenny and I started sleeping together a few weeks after that, but we didn't get back together until August 20, 2009. She moved in with us in November 2010, and now here we are. Like I said at the beginning of this long ass thing, she's a lot different than the type I usually dated. But I have never been more attracted to anyone than I am to her, and I have definitely never loved anyone as much as I love her. Not even close.
I didn't mean for this to be so long. Wow. Well, there's a summary of my most significant relationships. There were a lot of shorter ones, some of which were pretty crazy, but if I wrote about all of those this thing would be at least twice as long as it is now. So I'll leave it at that. Damn, that was a lot of reminiscing. And now I'm even more awake than I was when I started writing this. Fuck...I really wish tomorrow wasn't Monday. I'm going to be tired as hell. Thank God for coffee.
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