(no subject)

[xxmadsenxx]

I can honestly say that I am not at all sad about my dad's death. Like I said in my last entry, I don't feel like I have really lost anything. I hadn't seen the guy in over a decade, and before he left he put my family through hell. For most of my life I have felt nothing but hatred for the man. I'm not upset about his death at all, but for some reason I can't stop thinking about him. Mostly because I don't understand how or why he did all of the things that he did. I can't even imagine treating my son the way that he treated us. I couldn't do it. I love him more than anything, and I just can't understand how any parent could be so horrible to their children. I could never hurt Evan like that. I love him way too much. I guess I just don't understand why he didn't feel that way about us. And my mom...I could NEVER treat a woman the way that he treated my mom. I don't know why she put up with it for so long. Part of me wishes that I would have told him exactly what I think about him, but it's not like that would have accomplished anything anyway. I may have inherited the whole addiction thing from him, but at least that's the only trait of his that I have. That and his stubborn streak, I suppose. But none of the other stuff, thank God.

I don't really know how to feel about this whole thing, so I pretty much just don't feel anything.

I don't think I'll even go to his funeral. He didn't even go to my brother's funeral. How do you just not go to your own fucking son's funeral? We didn't have any contact with him at the time, but I know for a fact that he knew about it. He just didn't care enough to show up.

I know a lot of people say it's wrong to speak ill of the dead, but seriously...fuck him.

Comments

[sariebeth88.livejournal.com]

I know the feeling. It is why my grandmothers death is hitting me so hard. All the "close" family deaths before now have been painless. They didn't care about life or who was in theirs so why does it matter if they pass?

So I suppose it is more appropriate to say I'm sorry you have to deal with all the feelings and thoughts of what a horrible person he was as opposed to saying sorry for your loss.

[xxmadsenxx.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

I'm really sorry to hear about your grandmother.

[aaybara.livejournal.com]

I don't believe in the 'not saying ill of the dead'. I think it takes aways from people who have died that were good people. I think the truth should be said. If he was a jerk in life, then he's still a jerk.

I'll probably feel this same way when my father passes.

[xxmadsenxx.livejournal.com]

I don't really believe in it either. Like you said, the truth should be told. If a person was an asshole in life, he shouldn't be praised after death. My dad was a horrible person, and I'm not going to pretend that he wasn't, just because he's dead now.