Smurfs are annoying.

The Smurfs are a lot more annoying than I remember them being. I watched the original series when I was a kid, and I loved it back then. Evan watches the reruns now. So they're the exact same episodes I used to watch, just way more annoying now that I'm not a kid. Using "smurf" in place of another word every single sentence isn't cute and it isn't funny. It's annoying. So, needless to say, I really do not want to say the movie. But I have to tomorrow. Evan and I are having an "Evan and Daddy Day" tomorrow. Like the "Mommy/Daughter Day" thing Jenny does with her daughter. We do it quite a bit. We did when it was just the two of us, too. I spend a ton of time with him at home, but we have our special days to go out and do something, just the two of us. On those days and/or nights we go out to eat wherever he wants to, then go do some type of activity, also usually of his choice. Well, he wants to go see the Smurf movie. So that's what we're doing. Lucky me. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to be going with him. I love having these days with him. I'm just not happy about the fact that I have to sit through that movie. Oh well, maybe it won't be as bad as I'm thinking it will be.

Anyway, onto another topic.

B is doing much better today. We talked a little more, and then just spent the day hanging out. We ordered pizza and sat around watching movies and South Park for most of the day. It was nice to just do something really laid back, because we were both pretty tired today after talking all night last night. He got some sleep last night, but I didn't. I did manage to take a short nap though. Good thing, because I felt like I would have died without it. I'm really glad he asked me to talk rather than keeping it to himself and letting it build up and eat at him even more. Both of us have a hard time dealing with and talking about emotions. Our addiction problems make that pretty obvious. I've been working on the whole dealing with emotions thing a lot the past few years, but I'm still not very good at it. I'm even worse at talking about emotions. I can talk about other people's just fine, but it's harder to talk about my own. I've definitely made some major strides though. I'm like 100 times better at dealing with all that stuff now than I was before. B is working on the same thing. But he's newly sober and really young, so he has a lot to learn. We both do. So it's kind of cool to be able to help each other with that. Even though it sucks that he was feeling the way he was feeling, I think that conversation strengthened our bond even more.

I kinda feel like I'm part brother and part father figure. I feel much more like a big brother than a parent to him though. But there are some parent/child type elements in our relationship, for sure. It's not my job to parent him, but he needs some guidance and "parental support", for lack of a better way of putting it. I'm tired and groggy, so I can't really articulate very well right now. I don't tell him what to do or anything, so I'm not a parental figure in that way. He just needs some structure, guidance, and support, so I feel kind of like a parent to him in that way. In almost every other way I think I'm more like a big brother to him though. I think of him as a little brother, not as my son or anything. I'm not old enough to be his parent, haha. Well, unless I would have had a kid in 8th grade. So it's definitely more of a little brother type thing. I love the kid to death, so I'm glad he feels like he can open up to me and trust me. I really hope I can help him in the long run, and not just in the present. He's so young, and he has his whole life ahead of him. I don't want him to have to go through all the shit I went through. He's already been through A LOT. I didn't get it together until I was a decade older than he is. I'm hoping this early intervention will help him avoid a future like that. I'll do anything and everything I can to help him.

Sorry for babbling. Tired talk. I need to go to bed. Maybe I'll go do that now. Well, after The Daily Show is over. Lord knows I'm in dire need of sleep!

(no subject)

I'm working right now (but obviously not too hard, since I'm on here) and Jenny keeps sending me sexy/dirty texts. It's extremely distracting, but in a good way. It started with "You know what tomorrow is, right? ;)" As of tomorrow it has been two weeks since her surgery, meaning she can have sex again. The texts just kept coming from there. It's driving me crazy. But once again, in a good way. It sucks that we have to wait until tomorrow...or at least we should. Oh well, I have that "Evan and Daddy Day" with Evan after work anyway. So at least that's a nice distraction. Ok, nice minus the Smurfs. Maybe midnight counts as tomorrow, haha. I'm a bit sexually frustrated, if that isn't extremely obvious lol.

**Edited to add: Jenny just brought me lunch. She wore a shirt that shows a lot of cleavage. She knows I love that shirt on her. It makes her breasts look amazing. I mean, they always look really good, but this is one of those shirts that really shows them off. Not in a slutty way...in a sexy way. She obviously wore that shirt on purpose, for the sake of exciting me more. She's such a tease sometimes. It's ok though. I like it.

I left work early because of a Kardashian. Seriously. Weirdest subject line ever.

It's kinda funny yet sad that I had to come home early because Jenny got upset after watching one of those Kardashian shows. Well, I didn't have to, but she was upset and I was able to leave early, so I did. I didn't really know what the hell was going on, so I texted B and asked him to distract Evan by playing video games or something so that I could talk to Jenny. She really watches E! way too much. It was the show with Khloe (WHY do I have to know their names?) and her husband. I hate shit like that. But anyway, she gave me a summary of the episode. Khloe wants to get pregnant, and she went to the doctor and found out that she might have endometriosis. She's worried that she won't be able to have a baby because of it, and talks about how a lot of women with endometriosis can't get pregnant. Then she finds out that she doesn't have it. The subject matter upset Jenny, since it hit close to home. But getting upset over a fucking Kardashian show? Seriously? Of all shows to have an emotional reaction to?

She said "What if I can't get pregnant again, or if I have another miscarriage?" And then she said something ridiculous: "Khloe was saying she was afraid because a lot of husbands leave if their wives can't get pregnant. I don't want that to happen." My response was kind of insensitive, I guess. But I really couldn't believe that stupid show upset her so much. I said "That's stupid. You're really this upset because of Khloe Kardashian's stupid show? Seriously?" Then she said "You don't have to be an asshole about it. It's not the show, it's the subject matter." So I apologized. She said "I'm just afraid. Just, what if I can't have another baby? What would happen then?" I was still thinking "this is so fucking stupid", but of course I didn't say that. I told her she had nothing to be afraid of, and that nothing would happen if she couldn't have another baby. I said it was stupid that the thought of me leaving her because of that would even cross her mind. She told me to stop saying everything was stupid. I realized I shouldn't have phrased it that way and apologized. I told her that I would never leave her because of something like that, even if Evan wasn't here and we could never have any kids at all. I really don't see how she could think I would do that. I don't know if she's just being insecure and worrying because she's upset or if she's kind of milking it, because sometimes she's just overly dramatic for no good reason. Not as much as she used to be, but it still happens sometimes. I don't think she does it on purpose all the time, but I think it's at least partially intentional sometimes. Either way, she's blowing things way out of proportion. I can understand worrying about not being able to have another baby just because we both really want one, but worrying about that other shit is just stupid.

We both want another baby, but if we can't have one it's not the end of the world. I'm happy with the one we have. Plus there's always the adoption option. But I think she'll be able to have more kids. Her doctor said that she shouldn't have trouble with it after the surgery. I mean, it's not a 100% guarantee. But even her doctor said she shouldn't worry about it, so she really shouldn't worry as much as she does. It's not like today is the first time she's been worried about that...she worries about it quite a bit. That and miscarrying again. I think that's a big concern for both of us. I've said this many times before, but the second miscarriage was way harder than the first one since she was almost 15 weeks pregnant when it happened. Neither of us want to go through that again, but if it happens, it happens. I really hope it won't, but there's nothing we can do about it. I honestly think everything will be fine now though.

Women are weird sometimes.

Well, I'm off to go see that stupid Smurfs movie.