Cravings = lots of cigarettes.

It's times like this that it's hard to stay sober. I don't crave alcohol or cocaine--or any other drugs for that matter--very often anymore, but right now I definitely am. I have gotten a lot better at dealing with stress and emotions, but it's still definitely not my strong point. I just want to drown it all out. I have the urge to drink myself into oblivion or use pretty much any other substance to take the edge off. Of course I'm not going to...I'm not going to throw away nearly 3.5 years of sobriety and ruin everything. I can't do that to my family or to Jenny, and most of all, I can't do that to my son. For that matter, I can't do that to myself...at least that's something I finally realize and care about. The urge is there, but I won't give in to it. Thank God for cigarettes at times like this. Of course that's not the best way to deal, but it helps. I have gone through way too many cigarettes the past few days though. Way too many. Finding out that my mom has cancer is a pretty good excuse for chain smoking though, if there ever was one. I guess doing something that causes cancer to deal with my mom having cancer sounds pretty stupid, but whatever. I need it. Either that or I need sex, but I'm not getting that tonight, so I'll go for the cigarettes haha. Anyway, I'm really glad that my brother lives here with us. He's my best friend, and he's also my confidante.  I can go to him about anything, and I know that he'll be there for me and help me through it. I talked to him about all of this a few minutes ago, and he calmed me down quite a bit. But I still need another cigarette really bad. Really bad. And with that, I'm off to go have one.