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So...B and I are stupid and immature and decided to have what we called a "spice-off." Well, back up first. B's girlfriend is half Mexican. Her mom is actually from Mexico, and she learned how to make fucking AMAZING Mexican food from her. Too bad all she made was salsa today. Anyway, today she was over at our house, and she and B were making fresh salsa...which meant that she was making salsa and B was sitting there watching her and bullshitting with me haha. The salsa is what gave us the idea to have our spice off. She asked us how hot we wanted it, and we both said "really hot" at the same time. Then B and I started debating over who could handle spicy food better. So we had a contest. She put the normal salsa aside, then made us special salsa. It was hot, but we both said to make it hotter. She made it hotter, we said to make it hotter again. Then again, then again. I don't know exactly what she was doing to it because I wasn't really watching her...I was watching B to make sure he actually ate it all. Oh, part of the contest rules were that we weren't allowed to drink anything. We decided to move from the salsa round to the next round, which was peppers.
She offered us jalapenos. We each ate one, looked at each other, and simultaneously said "Nah"...which in our language meant "way too easy." Jalapenos really aren't very hot. I don't really like jalapenos, either. So we moved onto the next option. Serranos. We each ate one of those and decided they were definitely hotter than the jalapenos, but not too hot. So then she pulled out a habanero. She said she was going to de-rib it and cut out the seeds first. We told her not to, and she looked as us like we were crazy. We told her we each wanted one. She looked at us like we were crazy again. Then she said, "There's no way either of you can eat a whole habanero plain. Just trust me. You can't. I'll cut it in half. You guys won't get past the first bite." Her saying that made it even more of a challenge. We said we each wanted our own, so she said "Ok, suit yourselves" and handed one to each of us. We counted to three and took a bite. B spit it out almost immediately lol. He chewed it once, if that. I had the urge to spit it out, but I wanted to win. So I chewed it one more time and then hurried and swallowed it. B ran to get water, and I just yelled, "No, milk!" Water is a bad idea...just makes it worse. With spicy things, always go for the milk. We drank so much fucking milk it's insane. I don't even really like drinking milk, but I drank a shitload of it. Then we went for the ice cream when milk wasn't enough. Jenny walked in, looked at the remaining peppers, and then at both of us diving into the carton of ice cream like crazy with our eyes watering and everything and just laughed at us lol. I would have laughed too, I'm sure. Jenny and B's girlfriend thought it was hilarious.
I'm not laughing now though! I won, but I'm paying for it. I have heartburn like crazy, my mouth feels like it's on fire, my eyes are still bugging me a little bit (especially my right one...it's not a good idea to touch your eye after eating hot peppers), and I feel sick to my stomach. Seriously, my mouth has never burned this much in my entire life lol. Lucky B...he doesn't have to deal with the digestive troubles since he didn't swallow his. God dammit, Chris...you're so stupid sometimes. (Yes, I'm speaking to myself in third-person.)
Note to self: Do not attempt another spice-off. Even if you win the contest, you will lose in the end.
This was one of the stupidest entries I have ever written, but I needed to share my victory. Now it's documented, so I have proof of my victory.
Uggghhhh I feel like my whole digestive tract is being burned alive. And my mouth? It might as well literally be on fire right now. And my eyes...ahhhhhhhhhh. Fuck. I washed my hands a bunch of times to MAKE SURE it was all off my hands, then took out my contacts. Having that stuff stuck in your eye is not a good idea. I threw those contacts away, because they were tainted with peppers. The eye I stupidly touched is bright red right now and burns like I don't even fucking know. Good thing I just got jalapeno or serrano in my eye, not habanero. It happened before we ate the habaneros. I'd probably be blind if I got habanero in my eye. But it still fucking hurts. I tried flushing it out with water and that helped a little bit. Now I just keep putting eye drops in it. Jenny has been laughing at my misfortune the whole time haha. Whatever, she's just jealous. She WISHES she could do what I did.
She offered us jalapenos. We each ate one, looked at each other, and simultaneously said "Nah"...which in our language meant "way too easy." Jalapenos really aren't very hot. I don't really like jalapenos, either. So we moved onto the next option. Serranos. We each ate one of those and decided they were definitely hotter than the jalapenos, but not too hot. So then she pulled out a habanero. She said she was going to de-rib it and cut out the seeds first. We told her not to, and she looked as us like we were crazy. We told her we each wanted one. She looked at us like we were crazy again. Then she said, "There's no way either of you can eat a whole habanero plain. Just trust me. You can't. I'll cut it in half. You guys won't get past the first bite." Her saying that made it even more of a challenge. We said we each wanted our own, so she said "Ok, suit yourselves" and handed one to each of us. We counted to three and took a bite. B spit it out almost immediately lol. He chewed it once, if that. I had the urge to spit it out, but I wanted to win. So I chewed it one more time and then hurried and swallowed it. B ran to get water, and I just yelled, "No, milk!" Water is a bad idea...just makes it worse. With spicy things, always go for the milk. We drank so much fucking milk it's insane. I don't even really like drinking milk, but I drank a shitload of it. Then we went for the ice cream when milk wasn't enough. Jenny walked in, looked at the remaining peppers, and then at both of us diving into the carton of ice cream like crazy with our eyes watering and everything and just laughed at us lol. I would have laughed too, I'm sure. Jenny and B's girlfriend thought it was hilarious.
I'm not laughing now though! I won, but I'm paying for it. I have heartburn like crazy, my mouth feels like it's on fire, my eyes are still bugging me a little bit (especially my right one...it's not a good idea to touch your eye after eating hot peppers), and I feel sick to my stomach. Seriously, my mouth has never burned this much in my entire life lol. Lucky B...he doesn't have to deal with the digestive troubles since he didn't swallow his. God dammit, Chris...you're so stupid sometimes. (Yes, I'm speaking to myself in third-person.)
Note to self: Do not attempt another spice-off. Even if you win the contest, you will lose in the end.
This was one of the stupidest entries I have ever written, but I needed to share my victory. Now it's documented, so I have proof of my victory.
Uggghhhh I feel like my whole digestive tract is being burned alive. And my mouth? It might as well literally be on fire right now. And my eyes...ahhhhhhhhhh. Fuck. I washed my hands a bunch of times to MAKE SURE it was all off my hands, then took out my contacts. Having that stuff stuck in your eye is not a good idea. I threw those contacts away, because they were tainted with peppers. The eye I stupidly touched is bright red right now and burns like I don't even fucking know. Good thing I just got jalapeno or serrano in my eye, not habanero. It happened before we ate the habaneros. I'd probably be blind if I got habanero in my eye. But it still fucking hurts. I tried flushing it out with water and that helped a little bit. Now I just keep putting eye drops in it. Jenny has been laughing at my misfortune the whole time haha. Whatever, she's just jealous. She WISHES she could do what I did.
