(no subject)

Things with Jenny are a little better now. I ended up passing out on the couch for two or three hours last night. I woke up at like 7:30 when I heard my name and felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Jenny. I sat up and she said "I'm so sorry about the things I said last night. I really am. I understand if you're still really mad at me. But I'm sorry, and I love you." I didn't want to wake up that early, but it was a nice way to wake up. Jenny is really stubborn, and she doesn't usually apologize first. I'm extremely stubborn myself, but after a while I learned that I need to suck it up and apologize first sometimes, even if I don't really want to. So I'm usually the one who apologizes first. I figure that being stubborn isn't worth it when it comes to things like that. Not usually, anyway. Sometimes I don't cave, but I usually do. Anyway, it was a nice surprise that she apologized so soon. She asked if we could talk, since the kids weren't up yet. So we talked for a little while, and resolved some things. We talked more about the fight itself than we did about the custody thing, although we did talk about it a little bit. Nothing has changed there though. I still need to think long and hard about what to do with that.

We agreed to talk about it more later. We had planned on talking about it tonight, but Jenny had a really bad sinus headache. I could tell that she really didn't feel well, so I took her daughter home to her dad's house. When I got home I told Jenny we could just continue our conversation another time, and that she should just go to bed. I think she was relieved...not because she didn't want to talk about it, but because her head honestly was killing her. She looked pretty miserable. But things are much better than they were last night. Not 100% better, since we didn't exactly resolve much. But definitely better. At least we're not fighting anymore.

I really hate fighting with her. It doesn't happen very often, but I hate it when it does happen. Fighting with Jenny is probably the thing that makes me want to drink most. It doesn't really make me want drugs most of the time, but sometimes it makes me want alcohol. Particularly whiskey. Ok, maybe "want" isn't the right word. I don't know what word to use. I'm tired and I can't think right now. I'm just more likely to think about drinking or to have cravings when I fight with Jenny. I wasn't exactly craving it last night, but the thought of drinking it went through my head. I don't mean that I was considering having a drink, because that wasn't the case at all. I wouldn't do that. It just made me think about drinking a little bit. But I just kind of shook the thoughts away and had a cigarette instead. I really need to stop relying on cigarettes so much. But hey, better cigarettes than drugs and alcohol.