So we ended up getting into a fight about EVERYTHING and she hung up on me. I called her back to apologize, but she just ignored it. She does that sometimes when she's mad and it pisses me the fuck off.
I hate it too. Word.
I need to do something. I don't know if I can do it myself, or if I need to go to rehab again. I'm not ready to go to rehab. To be honest, I'm not ready to stop. But I guess you're never really ready. It's scary everytime, and it's never easy.
I found it easier to just develope a mind-over-matter idea first. You are using the drug, the drug isn't using you kind of thing. Then you slowly fing the effects less appealing. (I'm talking about cocaine here. I've never been a pill-head, but I was doing coke everyday for about a year until I moved from my influences and got a sense of self control. Now I can do cocaine if the mood hits, and I'm fine after a few lines of that nasty shit, and realize I'd rather be sober. Ha!) Try just thinking about the negative things when you do it first, then wean off of it, and eventually you'll ahte it. I pretty much do, but there's always that urge to go crazy. And when that happens, cocaine seems to be the cure. The next day I get over it though. So I guess it'll just take time.
I'm really sorry about everything. I read your last post, too. The drunk/high post about needing something more and sleeping better. I'm young (or so they say), twenty on 2/24, but I know what it's like. I've been there, and I'd like to think I'm over constant partying and "self-pitty". Instead of embracing the loss, the pain, the annoyances... think of your baby. Of Maddie. Think of your wife. Friends, family. They need you. You need you.
I know you can't just wake up all better, but try waking up with a sunny disposition instead. Even if life really sucks, a sunny disposition goes a long fucking way. It is a hard lesson to learn though, but I'm here if you wanna do some drunken ramblings. OR, what's better... write em a letter. That way you can vent and vent and you'll feel better fer-sure.
no subject
I hate it too. Word.
I need to do something. I don't know if I can do it myself, or if I need to go to rehab again. I'm not ready to go to rehab. To be honest, I'm not ready to stop. But I guess you're never really ready. It's scary everytime, and it's never easy.
I found it easier to just develope a mind-over-matter idea first. You are using the drug, the drug isn't using you kind of thing. Then you slowly fing the effects less appealing. (I'm talking about cocaine here. I've never been a pill-head, but I was doing coke everyday for about a year until I moved from my influences and got a sense of self control. Now I can do cocaine if the mood hits, and I'm fine after a few lines of that nasty shit, and realize I'd rather be sober. Ha!) Try just thinking about the negative things when you do it first, then wean off of it, and eventually you'll ahte it. I pretty much do, but there's always that urge to go crazy. And when that happens, cocaine seems to be the cure. The next day I get over it though. So I guess it'll just take time.
I'm really sorry about everything. I read your last post, too. The drunk/high post about needing something more and sleeping better. I'm young (or so they say), twenty on 2/24, but I know what it's like. I've been there, and I'd like to think I'm over constant partying and "self-pitty". Instead of embracing the loss, the pain, the annoyances... think of your baby. Of Maddie. Think of your wife. Friends, family. They need you. You need you.
I know you can't just wake up all better, but try waking up with a sunny disposition instead. Even if life really sucks, a sunny disposition goes a long fucking way. It is a hard lesson to learn though, but I'm here if you wanna do some drunken ramblings. OR, what's better... write em a letter. That way you can vent and vent and you'll feel better fer-sure.
sharylove @ gmail.com