Trigger for B
Nov. 13th, 2011 03:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xxmadsenxxB had a triggering incident tonight. An old friend of his called him a few hours ago, fucked up out of his mind. He was wasted and on a lot of coke. This friend of his got in a fight with his girlfriend or something, and called B asking for a ride. B, being the nice kid that he is, agreed to pick him up. He asked me to go with him though, so I did. I'm glad he asked me to accompany him. I wouldn't really want him alone with this kid, especially with how fucked up he was. He's someone B used to do a bunch of drugs and drink a lot with. But B felt bad for him and didn't want to leave him stranded. Why he had to call B instead of someone else, I don't know. Maybe everyone else that friend hangs out with was too fucked up or something.
Anyway, B and I went to pick him up and take him home. I had only met this kid once before, and he was coked out that time, too. But not nearly as bad as he was this time. I can tell if someone's on coke instantly, even if they have only done a little bit. But even someone who can't easily tell when someone's on it would have been able to tell with him. His pupils were huge, he was extremely talkative, really fidgety, couldn't sit still, and kept sniffing a lot and messing with his nose. On top of that, he was really drunk. I hate being around people who are on coke. I can usually handle being around drunk people, but not people on coke. It would have bothered me a lot more if B wasn't there. But because he was there, I was thinking about him, and kind of pushed my own shit aside. It bothered me, yeah, but I didn't start craving it really bad or anything. I know I would have if I hadn't been so concerned about B.
I wish this kid would have called someone else, but I'm glad he didn't drive himself. He was WAY too fucked up to drive. Mostly because he was completely wasted, but he was high out of his mind on top of that. Most people can drive on coke just fine (at least in my experience...I know I can), but this kid was EXTREMELY fucked up. B and I are alike in so many ways, right down to our inability to say "no" to people, even when we know we should. We both feel the need to help people, even when it's not in our best interest. I knew B was going to go pick him up whether I agreed to go or not, so I figured it would be much better for him if I did go, especially since he asked me to.
We took the kid home, and almost immediately after he got out of the car, B started freaking out. Well, maybe freaking out isn't the right way to describe it. But he was very upset. I got out a cigarette for both of us, because we both needed it after that. Seeing that friend, especially in the fucked up state he was in, really bothered B. It brought up a lot of memories, and made him start craving coke and alcohol, but especially coke. He said the cravings weren't unbearable, but they were bad enough to upset him quite a bit. When we got home, we sat in the car and talked for a little while. Talked and chain smoked. He was upset but held it together for a while, but after a few minutes he broke down and started crying. I felt really bad for him. I know better than anybody how much it sucks to be in a situation like that, and how hard it is to deal with all the addiction shit and triggers and all of that, so I could definitely relate to him. I know how difficult it was for him. I hugged him, and he clung onto me and cried for a while. Then he said something that really touched me. I remember it word for word. He said, "Thank you so much, Chris. Not just for coming with me to pick him up, but for everything. I don't know what I'd do without you. You saved my life. If it weren't for you, I'd be out there doing the same shit he was doing, if not worse. There's no way I could stay clean without you. No way in hell. I owe you everything, man. You're the family I never had, and I really don't know what I'd do without you. I love you so much, and I really appreciate everything you do for me. You saved me." I just hugged him, told him I loved him too, and that I was also thankful for him, and then he cried a little more. Once he calmed down we went inside. We went in his room and hung out for a while. We talked a little bit, but we mostly just sat there halfway watching TV. I stayed with him until he was ready to go to sleep.
He said that in the future he's just not going to accept calls from that kid, even if he feels compelled to help him somehow. He said his "friend" kind of guilt tripped him into picking him up. He doesn't need people like that in his life, so I'm glad he realizes that. He said he just didn't know what else to do, since he did answer his call and knew this kid was stranded and fucked up out of his mind.
I hope B will be ok tomorrow. I checked on him a few minutes ago to make sure he was still ok, and he was asleep. I'm glad he was able to fall asleep. He needs it. He's trying SO hard, and he has been doing so well in every way possible. I'm really glad he trusts me as much as he does, and that we're so close. I'm happy that I'm able to help him. I have said this many times before, but he really has become part of the family. Our relationship is mostly a big brother/little brother type thing, but in some ways it's kind of like he's a son to me. I'm not old enough to have a kid his age, and I don't really feel like his parent, nor do I try to take on the parent role with him, but he's still like a son in some ways. I feel the need to protect him the way that I feel the need to protect Evan. Plus I provide him with guidance. I have to. He needs it. Not guidance in the parent way, really...except for the few rules I've set. I don't know how to explain it. But I'm really glad I can help him, and I feel lucky to have him in my life. He deserves the very best, so I'm happy that I'm able to help him out. He needs a support system, and a family who loves him and looks out for him. I'm glad that my family and I are able to give him that. It's not just me, Evan, and Jenny who consider him part of the family; my siblings, mom, grandma, etc. feel the same way about him. He really is a good kid. We're both lucky to have each other.
This whole thing will probably bug him at least a little bit for the next couple days, but I'm hoping it won't be too bad. I think tonight was the worst of it. He's a really strong person...he'll pull through it just fine. It just sucks that he was triggered like that.
Anyway, B and I went to pick him up and take him home. I had only met this kid once before, and he was coked out that time, too. But not nearly as bad as he was this time. I can tell if someone's on coke instantly, even if they have only done a little bit. But even someone who can't easily tell when someone's on it would have been able to tell with him. His pupils were huge, he was extremely talkative, really fidgety, couldn't sit still, and kept sniffing a lot and messing with his nose. On top of that, he was really drunk. I hate being around people who are on coke. I can usually handle being around drunk people, but not people on coke. It would have bothered me a lot more if B wasn't there. But because he was there, I was thinking about him, and kind of pushed my own shit aside. It bothered me, yeah, but I didn't start craving it really bad or anything. I know I would have if I hadn't been so concerned about B.
I wish this kid would have called someone else, but I'm glad he didn't drive himself. He was WAY too fucked up to drive. Mostly because he was completely wasted, but he was high out of his mind on top of that. Most people can drive on coke just fine (at least in my experience...I know I can), but this kid was EXTREMELY fucked up. B and I are alike in so many ways, right down to our inability to say "no" to people, even when we know we should. We both feel the need to help people, even when it's not in our best interest. I knew B was going to go pick him up whether I agreed to go or not, so I figured it would be much better for him if I did go, especially since he asked me to.
We took the kid home, and almost immediately after he got out of the car, B started freaking out. Well, maybe freaking out isn't the right way to describe it. But he was very upset. I got out a cigarette for both of us, because we both needed it after that. Seeing that friend, especially in the fucked up state he was in, really bothered B. It brought up a lot of memories, and made him start craving coke and alcohol, but especially coke. He said the cravings weren't unbearable, but they were bad enough to upset him quite a bit. When we got home, we sat in the car and talked for a little while. Talked and chain smoked. He was upset but held it together for a while, but after a few minutes he broke down and started crying. I felt really bad for him. I know better than anybody how much it sucks to be in a situation like that, and how hard it is to deal with all the addiction shit and triggers and all of that, so I could definitely relate to him. I know how difficult it was for him. I hugged him, and he clung onto me and cried for a while. Then he said something that really touched me. I remember it word for word. He said, "Thank you so much, Chris. Not just for coming with me to pick him up, but for everything. I don't know what I'd do without you. You saved my life. If it weren't for you, I'd be out there doing the same shit he was doing, if not worse. There's no way I could stay clean without you. No way in hell. I owe you everything, man. You're the family I never had, and I really don't know what I'd do without you. I love you so much, and I really appreciate everything you do for me. You saved me." I just hugged him, told him I loved him too, and that I was also thankful for him, and then he cried a little more. Once he calmed down we went inside. We went in his room and hung out for a while. We talked a little bit, but we mostly just sat there halfway watching TV. I stayed with him until he was ready to go to sleep.
He said that in the future he's just not going to accept calls from that kid, even if he feels compelled to help him somehow. He said his "friend" kind of guilt tripped him into picking him up. He doesn't need people like that in his life, so I'm glad he realizes that. He said he just didn't know what else to do, since he did answer his call and knew this kid was stranded and fucked up out of his mind.
I hope B will be ok tomorrow. I checked on him a few minutes ago to make sure he was still ok, and he was asleep. I'm glad he was able to fall asleep. He needs it. He's trying SO hard, and he has been doing so well in every way possible. I'm really glad he trusts me as much as he does, and that we're so close. I'm happy that I'm able to help him. I have said this many times before, but he really has become part of the family. Our relationship is mostly a big brother/little brother type thing, but in some ways it's kind of like he's a son to me. I'm not old enough to have a kid his age, and I don't really feel like his parent, nor do I try to take on the parent role with him, but he's still like a son in some ways. I feel the need to protect him the way that I feel the need to protect Evan. Plus I provide him with guidance. I have to. He needs it. Not guidance in the parent way, really...except for the few rules I've set. I don't know how to explain it. But I'm really glad I can help him, and I feel lucky to have him in my life. He deserves the very best, so I'm happy that I'm able to help him out. He needs a support system, and a family who loves him and looks out for him. I'm glad that my family and I are able to give him that. It's not just me, Evan, and Jenny who consider him part of the family; my siblings, mom, grandma, etc. feel the same way about him. He really is a good kid. We're both lucky to have each other.
This whole thing will probably bug him at least a little bit for the next couple days, but I'm hoping it won't be too bad. I think tonight was the worst of it. He's a really strong person...he'll pull through it just fine. It just sucks that he was triggered like that.
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Date: 2011-11-13 02:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-13 11:19 pm (UTC)