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Woooowwww. I'm a fool lol. Last night I convinced myself it was 2011 and kept counting only up until 2011. I knew it was 2012 because I wrote a check to the little ghost town historical society or whatever because Jenny wanted us to, and I wrote the date as 2012. So what...the...fuck.

That means I didn't miscount and say I'd been sober for an extra year. This was pointed out to me here. Thank you for that lol. I probably would've kept counting tonight and being confused too. I kept thinking 4.5 didn't match up with the dates of other events, but I was temporarily stuck in last year I guess. Hahahahaha.

Dude, Jenny HAD to have known. Sometimes when one of us says or thinks something that's very obviously wrong we just won't say anything until the other person figures it out, or when possible we'll play along with it. Like on that episode of The Office where Dwight thinks it's Thursday and it's really Friday, so Jim and Pam fuck with him. Same type of thing, except for 24 hours part of my brain thought it was 2011 (but not the part that dates checks and those checkbook keeping track things...registers? I checked and I did indeed date it 2012). Wait, yes she knew FOR SURE because she threw me that surprise 5 year celebration in March. Props to Jenny for obviously knowing but playing our game even mid-fight and doing it well enough to incorporate it in insult form. Hahaha. We actually do it enough that the little game/trick has a name: The Thursday Trick (after that episode of The Office). Maybe that's why she laughed like twice during that fight. Interesting.

Wooooowwwww. Well now I can definitely laugh at this lol. I feel better getting that year back, too. So 5.5 years it is!

Jenny apologized. We were ok the rest of the night. I'm pretty sure all of that fight or at least most of it was because of her Effexor withdrawals, because she's also feeling them physically now. And I predicted that she'd be bitchy because she doesn't have her Effexor and voila...half a day after her missed dose it started. That's when the withdrawals usually seem to take effect. She's going to be feeling pretty shitty until she gets that stuff back in her system. But her starting a fight from nothing like that makes a lot more sense when you factor that in.

I'm happy that I really do know how to count to 5 and add single digit numbers. Sweet.

Ok, I'm going to go to bed, or try to anyway. I haven't gotten much sleep the past few nights, so I need to get as much as I can tonight, which is only like 6 hours but still. If I don't get a decent amount of sleep tonight I might wake up in 2002, losing a decade instead of a year haha. I shouldn't admit this, but I originally wrote 1992 and then realized that was two decades ago lol. Oh man...

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Dude, fuck this trip. Seriously. I'm sitting here on my phone on LJ in some little desert town because Jenny and I need a little time away from each other before we have to meet everyone for dinner.

The reunion was actually kinda fun this year. Ella started getting fussy when it was basically over and we were just talking to people, so we took her back to the room. Evan went to wade in a river with Jenny's sister and some other people, so it was just me, Jenny, and Ella in the room. I was planning on going down to meet them because Jenny just wanted to stay in the room for a while and relax. I was just going to go after Ella went to sleep and I grabbed a hat. That's why I went back to the room in the first place. Well, Ella wouldn't go to sleep even though it was obvious that she was extremely tired. When we tried to put her down for a nap she just screamed and screamed. Not cried...screamed. Jenny was holding her and trying to get her to stop. I sat down on the bed because I didn't know what I could do since Jenny was already holding her. I reached for the remote to the TV because Ella never has trouble falling asleep if it's on quietly, so I was just going to keep it really quiet. Before I could even push a button Jenny snapped at me. She said, "Don't you DARE turn on that TV, Chris." So I put the remote back on the nightstand and just sat there quietly for a second, thinking Jenny just didn't want the TV on because of the noise. But then she yelled at me. She said, "Don't just sit there looking at me. Fucking DO SOMETHING!" I assumed she just yelled because she was frustrated with Ella's non-stop screaming, so I shrugged it off and calmly asked her what she wanted me to do. She snapped at me again, saying, "I don't care what you do. Just DO something! Don't leave this all up to me." I gladly would have tried to help if I had thought she wanted me to try something other than what she was doing. I offered to take her outside in the stroller because that usually calms her down and sometimes makes her fall asleep. Well, that didn't work, so I brought her back. I tried holding her and kinda bouncing around with her a little bit to try to calm her down. Nothing happened. I suggested a car ride, because she oftentimes falls asleep in the car. I offered to do it, but Jenny said she would. So I said I was going to wander around looking at stuff, and to call or text me and let me know what was going on. That's when the big fight started. I'll just write it in convo form because that's easier. Keep in mind, Ella was still screaming during all of this. This is pretty much verbatim, because it just happened.

Fight )

She just rolled her eyes and left. She left like 90 minutes ago. I walked to a little store right after she left and bought another pack of cigarettes. Then I just came back to the room and wrote this. And I wrote this paragraph while walking, and now I'm here. This'll be fun. I didn't think I'd be on LJ so much on this trip...or even at all haha.

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God dammit. I don't know HOW this happened, but I've been adding a year to my sobriety date. Either I really suck at math (which I do) or I've been thinking it was 2012 all year this year and 2011 all year last year (which I have not). My sobriety date is March 2, 2007. That was 4.5 years ago, not 5.5. I somehow couldn't even count that right on my fingers lol. I couldn't sleep and I laid there counting over and over and over. I realized that when I count it on my fingers (and yes, I still do that haha) that I've been making 2007 1, 2008 2, and so on and so forth. Wrong.
I can't count 1 until 2008. 2007 should be zero. Fuuuucccckkkk man. That means I've only been sober for 4.5 years. I've had custody of Evan since he was in between 1.5 and 2. So rounding his age down a few months, 1.5 + 4.5 = 6. Evan is 6. Or rounding up, 2 + 5 (when it will REALLY be 5 years is 7 (which is how old he'll be next year). God dammit. Too many numbers.

How do you miscount something that big and important?! I obviously had it right the first few years and fucked it up last year. I guess I could think of it as a good thing if I say it's because I've been sober long enough that I lost count, but you shouldn't lose count if you can count it on one hand. What. The. Fuck. God damn fractions...or fractions converted into decimals. They confuse me even more.

That math is right, right?

I've said before that I'm math-retarded. Here's definitive proof of that lol. It's pretty fucking pathetic. Yeah, Jenny is going to have to be the one who helps the kids with math homework lol.

It's pretty fucking funny if I think about not being able to count/do math right. But it's also infuriating and really fucking depressing. I feel like I've lost an accomplishment. I mean, 4.5 years is still a huge accomplishment, but not as big as 5.5. Man, I'm dumb. I'm pretty smart when it comes to other things, but way beyond slightly handicapped when it comes to math.

Fuck, man...now I'm going to be counting in my head all day long and thinking about it non-stop. Oh well, at least that gives me something to do during the reunion haha.

Why didn't anyone tell me I counted wrong and started adding a year?! Especially Jenny. I guess it's not anyone else's job to keep track though. She probably just didn't think twice about it when I said 5.5.

Fuck. Now I'm in an even worse mood and more depressed.

Lesson of the day: don't skip math class all the time. Except I should have learned math that simple way before I was old enough to skip class haha. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

This will be funnier later.

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So...this trip isn't off to the greatest start. We got to see Jenny's cool hippie aunt, uncle, and cousins, so that part was cool. I really like them a lot. They're just really cool, genuinely nice people. We don't get to see them very much because they live in another state, hundreds of miles away. It had been a long time since we last saw them, so it's cool that they're here.

Tomorrow is the reunion part, so that's going to suck. Even Jenny's mom said it seems to last all day and her sister was also saying how boring it is. Oh well. We're going to this really cool place tomorrow after the reunion. It's a natural pool that's pretty deep and you can jump off rock cliffs into the water. There's a waterfall going into the pool thing and a little stream trickling down. You can find little frogs in the stream. It's so cool and it's absolutely gorgeous. We went there once before with the same cool relatives so I'm looking forward to that.

Now for the not so cool parts. I got in trouble with Jenny a few hours ago for looking at the drink menu at the restaurant we went to. They have all this custom stuff that's unique to that particular place, so I was just curious about what kind of special original drinks they had. It's not like I was going to order one. And no one else saw me looking...they were further down the table and I was at the end with Evan next to me. So nobody saw. I know I shouldn't tempt myself by looking at stuff like that. I never look at drink menus. I think it was partially because I was curious and partially because I've been wanting a drink the past couple nights. I don't even think tempting is the right word. I wasn't tempted to get one. But I shouldn't look at drink menus anyway. I think taunting myself is a better way to say it...not tempting. Besides, even if I seriously did want to order a drink, I could never order one if I was with pretty much anyone I know. They'd stop me. ESPECIALLY Jenny. I honestly didn't actually want one. Sure, a drink has sounded really good the past couple of nights, but I didn't want to drink, and the thought of actually getting a drink didn't even cross my mind. But I got chewed out for it. Not badly, but still. After dinner Jenny asked me why the hell I was looking at the drink menu. I told her that I was just curious about what their special drinks were. She said that she called bullshit and that I was tempted. Then she said I was being stupid and irresponsible. I know it's not the best idea for me to look at drink menus, but damn...it's not like I ordered one.

Jenny forgot to pack her antidepressants. She put them in a bag and accidentally left it at home on the counter. One of the medications she takes is Effexor XR. It's a great medication that works well for her and worked well for me in the past, but the withdrawal effects are horrible. Miss it for a day or two--especially more than a day--and you're fucking miserable. She takes a high dose (300 mg) which makes it even worse. So she's going to be feeling like shit by tomorrow night or Sunday morning at the latest. I feel sorry for her for that reason. But it also sucks for me, because she's a huge bitch when she has Effexor withdrawals. So that should be fun.

Everyone else is asleep. It's not even 10:30 yet. I guess I'll go read and hopefully fall asleep way earlier than usual. The reception here sucks because we're surrounded by a bunch of mountains pretty much in the middle of nowhere, so things take a while to load sometimes. So I'll catch up with you guys when I get back on Monday. I hope you're all having a good weekend.

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Grumpy

Sep. 27th, 2012 01:47 am
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I am so bored and so fucking grumpy. If I were a normal person with a normal sleep schedule I'd be asleep right now. But we all know that's not me.

I really don't want to go out of town to that stupid reunion thing this weekend. I'm actually dreading the reunion part, even though it's only a few hours long. I don't feel like doing outdoorsy nature stuff either. The thought of being outside doing that stuff pisses me off. I'm sure it will be fine and possibly even fun once we get there, but I still don't want to go. I don't want to drive for six hours. I get so fucking bored and antsy on long car trips. Being in the car that long doesn't mix well with ADHD. I wish Jenny would just take the kids and go with her family and let me stay home. I want a weekend to myself. I want to sit around doing nothing with nobody bothering me. I just want some time to myself. No kids, no Jenny. Just nobody. Jenny and I are getting along really well, but she has been acting kind of needy and a little clingy the past few days, and I'm just not in the mood for it. Maybe she hasn't really been that way...it might be that she's just being really affectionate and I'm not in the mood for it. Yeah, I think that's what it is. I'm usually really affectionate too, but I don't feel like being that way right now. So I guess that's why it's bugging me. So I take back the part about her being needy and clingy. She's just being extra affectionate and I want to be left alone. That's how I get when I'm depressed and/or anxious. I just want to be left alone. I'm not anxious right now, just depressed and in a bad mood. I really do wish I could just stay home this weekend. I wouldn't leave the house and I'd just sit here by myself doing whatever I wanted to do...which would probably mean I'd sit here doing nothing. But I'd be by myself, and that's what I want right now.

I guess I'll stop bitching for now. I'll just go eat candy. I found the Halloween candy and got into it. Jenny hides it because otherwise it will all get eaten (mostly by me, but not only by me) and she'll have to keep buying more to replace it. She made the mistake of telling me she already bought some. If I know there's candy in the house, especially chocolate, I will find it. It doesn't matter where it's hidden...I'll find it. I always do. I might get bitched at for it, but she should know to expect me to find it and eat it by now. I wouldn't have gone looking for it if she hadn't let it slip that it was here. So it's half her fault haha. Whatever, she'll eat it too, now that it's open. It's a huge bag, but it won't last long in this house.

Sitting around eating chocolate by myself all weekend sounds like just about the best thing ever right now. But nope. You can't always get what you want. Now that damn song is in my head. According to that song, if you try you might get what you need. I can't though. I need alone time, and I'm not going to get what I need. Lame. I really don't want that song to be stuck in my head. It will just keep reminding me that I can't get what I want.

Ok, I'm going to quit bitching for real this time.

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Depressed

Sep. 23rd, 2012 02:40 am
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I haven't mentioned this here, but I have been pretty depressed lately, despite the fact that everything in my life is going really well right now. It started before the thing with Dylan happened, so it's not situational depression, although I do think the whole Dylan matter has made it worse.

If I have to be depressed, I'd at least like to know why I'm depressed. It must just be a chemical thing. Each time I go into some type of a depression I say that maybe I'll start taking antidepressants, but then I don't end up doing it. I think it might be a good idea though, since this keeps happening.

Everything in my life is so good right now. Things are great with Jenny, my kids, work, and everything else in my day-to-day life. So why the fuck am I feeling so depressed?

On another subject...For some reason they're not announcing the results of Evan's class election until Monday. I need to write a little bit about the speech he did and all of that, but I'll do it later.

I still need to write more about Dylan too, but I don't feel like doing it right now. I haven't even been on my computer all weekend. I just haven't felt like it. All I've wanted to do is just stay in bed and lounge around watching TV.

I'll catch up with you guys soon. I would do it right now, but it's kind of a pain to do on my phone and I don't feel like getting up to get my laptop. Besides, my mind is elsewhere. Well actually, it's nowhere. I don't really know what the fuck is going on with it right now. Who knows. I'll catch up with journals and replies and stuff soon though. Probably tomorrow (well I guess today, since it's technically Sunday now). I hope you're all doing well.

I think I might have to take advantage of the fact that Jenny is still awake this late and lying in bed next to me. Haha. That would probably make me feel better. Last night she wanted to have sex and I turned her down because I just didn't feel like it. Two separate times. That alone should be enough to show you that I'm not really myself right now lol. And on second thought, I don't want it tonight. I just want to lie in bed watching TV and playing with my phone. So I guess I changed my mind since I started writing this paragraph.

Wow, yeah...there's definitely something wrong with me right now haha. Not wanting sex and not wanting to get on the computer? Definitely not like me.

Yesterday I had a pretty strong craving for alcohol, but it only lasted for a little while. Jenny went and got me fries and a giant Reese's peanut butter cup milkshake, and that made me feel a little better. Mmmm now I want that again. But yeah...I was feeling really down for whatever reason, which resulted in a pretty strong craving, but it was short-lived. So that's good at least. I'm just starting to ramble so I'm going to shut up now. I'm hoping I'll wake up feeling less depressed tomorrow, but I'm not counting on it. Ugh.

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Jenny's best friend Jen was hanging out over here tonight. They were listening to music and just hanging out. I was in a goofing around mood, so I started doing one of my little dances that I do sometimes when I'm joking around. Then they put on that Justin Timberlake song I did that little "performance" of a while ago. Jenny obviously told Jen all about it, because Jen was like, "I heard you have some JT moves. Let me see them!" I was in a goofing around mood, like I said, so I did a few of my little "moves" haha. I stopped after less than 30 seconds and started laughing because I was just messing around. I've said this before, but I'm really not a dancer. I just do it around the house when I'm joking around. But Jen was like, "Why are you laughing? That was really good!" I felt awkward and just said "Um...thanks. But I wasn't being serious." She said, "Well I'm being serious. You HAVE to go dancing with us!" My response was "HEEELLLLLLL no!" Jenny said, "You're never going to get him to go." Jenny was right. No fucking way. Even when I drank I didn't do that shit. So now? Hell no. Jen said, "Pleeeeeaaaaassseee!" I told her not on her life. Then she embarrassed the hell out of me. She turned to Jenny and said, "He really knows how to move his hips," and did this thing with her eyebrows...like raising and lowering them. Then she said, "You must get some pretty nice moves from him in the bedroom, too." I was SO fucking embarrassed. I don't know why I was so embarrassed...it was just really fucking awkward. I was just thinking "You're seriously saying that while I'm standing right here?!" Jenny giggled and started blushing. Her cheeks were a little pink and she nodded and said, "Yes I do. Private show only though. Sorry, Jen." Then she shot me a flirty smile. I'm pretty sure my face was bright red by then. I mean...that's flattering, but fuck. I just said, "Well this is awkward as hell," and they both started laughing. Ella woke up right then and started crying. I don't think I have ever been so happy to hear a baby cry lol. I immediately said I was going to go get her and practically ran out of the room lol. That was so fucking awkward. I'm glad they were so amused by it at least haha.

Since they embarrassed me by talking about my "moves" and my hips and shit I at least should've gotten laid for it lol. But nope. I got embarrassed with no prize at the end. Sad. Jenny went to bed after Jen left.

I'm still up because I have a killer headache and I feel kinda nauseous. I think it must be a migraine coming on. Ugh. I need to go lie down.

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Just a quick update from my phone because I'm bored but I'm too tired and lazy to go get my laptop and write a real entry. I have stuff to write about, mainly about Dylan, but I'll do that tomorrow. Short story: he's fine, but really struggling. But he's still in rehab and sober and that's what matters.

So I'll talk about lighter, kinda superficial things right now.

Jenny is watching The X Factor right now, and as many of you know, she's obsessed with Britney Spears. I have to admit, Britney is looking pretty good again. As far as shows like this go, I definitely prefer The Voice. I typically hate competition shows, but I actually like that one. Jenny jokingly said that I like Adam the best because I'm in love with myself lol. That's what she says about why I like Chandler on Friends so much. So I asked her why she said that an she said he reminds her of me. So apparently I'm now a Chandler/Adam Levine hybrid. I asked her what about him reminds her of me and she said, "A lot of things. You guys have similar styles, you're both hot, you're both cocky but in a cute kinda sexy way, not an asshole way, and you're both witty, funny smart asses." I was just like "Um ok, thanks." I don't like Maroon 5 at all though. Jenny does, and she has a thing for Adam. She kept saying how hot he is. It's kinda funny, because if I went on about how hot some celebrity was she'd be bugged by it after a little while. I couldn't care less about her talking about him or her little lover boy Justin Timberlake or anyone else. She could even say that she wants to fuck Adam and it wouldn't bother me. It's not like he's a threat to me haha. But I could never say anything like that or Jenny would flip. I wouldn't say anything like that to her anyway, but the double standard is kinda funny. It's understandable though, given some of the issues she has. She was saying how she thought Adam's tattoos were sexy and she was like, "You haven't gotten any new ones for a long time. Didn't you say you were going to? You should. It's sexy." So all of a sudden she's into tattoos haha. The only new one I have planned right now is one for Ella. Well, I'm going to add to the one I got for Evan. Jenny wants to get one on her foot. She doesn't have any. That's supposed to be a really painful place to get tattooed, but I think it would be cute on her. I think tattoos are sexy though. Most of the girls I've dated had tattoos. Actually I think all of them besides Jenny and Annie had at least one or two.

Anyway, enough about that. Things with Jenny have been so great lately. I'll probably write more about that later, too. But our relationship is really good right now. :)

Evan is giving his campaign speech tomorrow afternoon, so I'm leaving work a few hours early to go watch him. He doesn't even seem to be nervous about it. He said, "I've got this in the bag." Lol. I know he only knows that phrase because I've said it about Obama a few times recently. It was cute when he said it though. I'm sure he'll do great. Whether he wins or not, I'm so proud of my little guy.

Ok, that wasn't as quick of an update as I thought it would be haha. I got caught up rambling about stupid shit. My next entry won't be as pointless.

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The subject was supposed to say "phone" at the end. Longest subject line ever haha.

So, I'm using the LJUBLJANA (I just left that to show you what my phone's autocorrect changed "LJ" to. Lol wtf?) Anyway, I'm using my phone and this stupid app because I can't wear my contacts and without them I can't see my computer screen unless I lean over with my face right by the screen haha. I'm pretty much blind without my contacts. I had a pair of glasses I wore around the house sometimes, but I stepped on them and broke them a few months ago and I keep forgetting to make an eye appointment and get new ones. For those of you who know contact prescriptions, mine is -4.75 in my left eye and -4.50 in my right. So yeah, I'm pretty fucking blind. I can't wear my contacts because I irritated the hell out of my eyes yesterday and they're way swollen and red and grosser today. I tried wearing my contacts three times today, but it never lasted more than half an hour because they would make my eyes bug me even more. So I have had them out for like seven hours or something now. That means I've been blind for a long time. So what I can do is even MORE limited...so I have been playing with my phone pretty much all night. That and sitting here eating chocolate and doing nothing.

Wow, that was a really long explanation for why I'm using my phone instead of the computer lol. Damn. ADD + pain meds I guess.

I don't really even have anything to write about. But of course I couldn't sit here being blind all night without my little Internet friends haha. Speaking of which, Jenny looked over a minute ago and saw that I was on here and was like, "Oh God, baby, of course you can't go one night without talking to your little Internet friends. You're such a dork." Haha. She's just jealous.

Gotta love technology...we're in bed next to each other playing with our phones haha. Plus the TV is on. Clearly we're very connected right now. We are about to watch Friends. Well, Jenny is going to watch it...I'm going to listen to it because I can't fucking see. That's ok though. Jenny just asked me what I was writing about and I said, "I'm writing about how I'm doing nothing and I'm blind and about to listen to Friends because I can't see to watch it." She was like, "that's seriously what you're writing about?" Instead of answering I scrolled up and showed her the beginning of this paragraph. She glanced at it for like one second then laughed and said, "That's fascinating. I'm sure your little internet friends are on the edge of their seats. I can see why you had to get on there and write about it right away." She said it sarcastically, obviously. Then she said she couldn't wait for the book. She's as big of a smart ass as I am lol.

This really is one of the stupidest, most boring entries I think I've ever written hahaha.

Chanandler Bong! "Actually, it's Miss Chanandler Bong." Hahaha I love that. See? I don't have to be able to see it to enjoy it haha. Well, I can kind of see it...their faces are just kinda blobs and everything in the background is a blur.

Oh, something with a point! For some reason I wrote that my brother is getting married at the end of the month. I meant to say next month. Thank God it's not the end of this month, since this month is almost over. If the wedding was in a few days that would be a disaster. I'm the best man, and I'd be stumbling all over the place. Not to mention I'd be hopped up on painkillers and give an incoherent ramble of a speech that wouldn't make sense and no one would be able to follow it lol. So yeah...thankfully it's a month from now.

I can't really tell how long this is since I'm on my phone, but I'm sure it's really fucking long haha. So sorry about taking up a bunch of space with mostly mindless rambling. Two or three minutes ago Jenny was like, "Are you STILL writing that same nail-biter of an entry?" Lol. I told her yes and to shut up, or else. She asked "or else what?" and I decided to be really gross and said, "or else I'll squeeze pus out of my staph-infested incision and wipe it on your face. THEN I'd have something more interesting to write about." She said, "That is so gross. But yes, that would definitely be more interesting. I feel sorry for your little Internet friends who are actually reading that whole thing you're writing right now...assuming they haven't fallen asleep or quit reading yet." Haha. I think she's probably right. I doubt anyone made it this far lol.

Ok, I'll quit writing about mine and Jenny's banter now, since it's about how long and boring and pointless this entry is haha. So on that note I'll shut up. At least this pain med-induced ramble makes sense, unlike the one the other night. This one is just boring instead.

Jenny just informed me that it's time for another pain pill and for me to put on my stupid cream. I'm kind of glad it's time for one even though I hate them. They definitely help the pain and I need that right now. I should've waited to write this ramble after that kicks in...it would be a more interesting entry haha. I apologize again for this whole thing...especially the length because I'm pretty sure this is really long.

I'll probably mostly get back to your journals tomorrow when I can do it on the computer. Mostly. I'll be groggy soon anyway haha.

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I don't know why this was marked as private. Probably a combination of me being messed up, and the stupid app. This is pretty pointless. All the typos amuse me though, so I'm reposting it for my own amusement. I wrote this at like 3:30 in the morning last night.

If I just posted blank stuff, sorry. I don't know how to delete shit on here and I hate this thing. I wasn't planning in posting yet again but I had to explain the blank ones if you see them. I am just writingvto say I couldn't find out how to get rid of them. I've bugged you guys enough during mty hospital stay haha..

I'm so good at flooding your pages that I can even do it from the hospital. Omg I Am so fuxks up. Autocorrect is pissing me off so I don't even care anymore. I am so doped
Ip. They gave me Ativan to help me sleep and it's not working just contributing to my ducxd upness. They uppemy morphine on top of the IV Ativan and its kicking in a lot all of a sudden if you cant tell byy typing even with autocorrect. Oh man it is both really goods feeling and bad but pain aside it's good. But even though I don't want to enjoy being high i am ans might as well. I could type fine on a computer right now but nit this fuckimg thing.

I'm going home tomorrow! So I'll talk to ylu guys soon and more coherently. Since I'll be bedridden expect me to post a lot of stuff like always but maybe more. IM fucked and going to bed. Good night. Of course I'll get woken up a few times because hospitals fucking suck. But no more bitch nurse.ok goodbye for now until I go hoME'

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This was extremely immature of me, but this nurse was annoying me, so I decided to annoy her back. I admit I kind of gave her attitude when I asked her to quit bugging me all the time. I told her my vitals weren't going to change at least as far as BP is concerned, unless she keeps bugging when I'm sleeping or trying to sleep...in which case it would skyrocket because she'd be pissing me off and irritating me. Jenny made me apologize the next time that nurse came in the room. That's good, because I was kind of a dick. But to be fair, she was a bitch from the start. She kept giving attitude and something about her just bugged me. So I decided to annoy her. I changed my text tone back to that Madagascar circus song and kept texting B repeatedly whenever she came into the room so it would keep going off. I got a new nurse an hour before the other one's shift was supposed to be over. The first bitch nurse was clearly sick of me. I win!!!!!!!!!!! My new nurse is really nice.

The text tone thing wasn't out of character for me, but being an asshole like that to someone was. I think I was just an asshole because I'm in so much pain and I feel really really nauseous and I just want to sleep.

Hahaha Jenny just came over to see what I was doing because she thought I was playing a game. She saw and was like, "you're seriously talking to your little Internet friends while you're in the hospital?" I said, "yep, not the first time today either." Then she laughed and just kind of shook her head at me.

Ok I'd better go. I need some kind of sleeping medicine because I can't sleep and my whole abdomen fucking kills and I doubt they'll up the morphine. I'm still going to ask though.

I'm 90% sure I get to go home tomorrow. I'll catch up with you guys then, because it's a
pain in the ass on my phone and I want to go to sleep.

So really, tomorrow I'll catch up on replying to comments and your entries. I will be in bed all day, after all haha.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

xxmadsenxx: (Default)

So this stupid app didn't delete my whole first entry that took for-fucking-ever to type because I have to do it on here. I suck at it and the app sucks.

If you want my whole appendicitis story, go back to the entry before the last one. I would link it on here but I don't know how to and I don't care to learn. I can't say it enough...I hate this app.

ANYWAY...the point of this entry isn't to bitch. It's to say I probably get to go home tomorrow! I'll be stuck in bed, but I'd rather be in bed at home than here.

One good thing about writing this on my phone is autocorrect, because I am so fucked up on morphine right now. IV morphine is powerful stuff. At least I'm high for a legitimate reason though, because without strong pain meds right now I would be so incredibly miserable. Appendicitis SUCKS. Bad. It just might be the worst pain I have ever been in. At leasT before the surgery. Even with the morphine and my appendix out it still hurts really fucking bad. It's hard to even move or get up. Still, it's way better than it was. It sucks that even morphine won't kill all the pain but it definitely takes the edge off. And for the record, in case some people don't know, being high, even high out of your mind for medical reasons doesn't count as a relapse. Too bad I'm in too much pain to enjoy it much. But maybe soon haha. Or maybe I don't want to enjoy it, I don't know. But I can and still have it be ok. I'm getting really drowsy and it's getting harder to write this because I keep fucking up so I'm going to try to go sleep.

I hope you're all doing well.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

xxmadsenxx: (Default)

God dammit! This fucking app just deleted my whole long post anD apparently posted blank ones. I think. I hate this app. I will just post again when I go home tomorrow or the next day. I'm groggy from pain meds and lack of sleep and I don't feel like fucking with this fucking app right now.

Summary: had an appendectomy Friday morning. Appendicitis sucks. I'll catch up and also write more when I get to go home.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

xxmadsenxx: (Default)

EDIT: So it didn't delete this one! Just took forever to post it and have it show up.

Wtf I can't even figure out how to delete this blank post I accidentally posted so I guess I'll just turn it into my real one. I HATE this app.

I'm using the stupid app because I'm stuck in the hospital. Thursday night what I thought was my stomach was really bugging me. It started hurting so bad that it woke me up. I was vomiting like crazy and then the pain got even worse. It was a really sharp pain by then. Then it moved down to the lower right side of my abdomen and I was like "oh fuck I have appendicitis." So we went to the ER and sure enough that's what it was. We went early Friday morning. I had an appendectomy shortly after we got here.

So here I am in the stupid hospital for the second time this year. But this time for surgery. Oh my God, yesterday the pain was so fucking bad. Excruciating. Now my stupid appendix is out but I still have to stay here until either Sunday or Monday morning, I don't remember. I'm groggy as hell right now. It is so hard to sleep in hospitals. Plus these meds are making me really groggy. I have a morphine drip, really strong IV antibiotics and IV fluids. I'm still in a lot of pain...the surgery was like 20 hours ago or maybe even less so not even a day.

Fuck this app dude. I'll catch up with you guys when I get home.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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