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I've finally started catching up with you guys. I'm doing it slowly but surely.

Ella is doing so much better. Her eye infection is gone. We had to put eyedrops in her eyes twice a day for five days, which she HATED. Now she just has four and a half days of Amoxicillin left. She actually likes that. It's that pink liquid kind they give to kids and people who get their tonsils out. She doesn't object at all when we give it to her, so that makes it easy. I'm so glad she's almost better...for her sake and for mine and Jenny's.

So...Jenny and I finally had sex for the first time in I don't really know how long. I wasn't really that into it, and I think she could probably tell that I didn't really want to do it. I just did it because she was practically begging me to. I wish this total lack of a sex drive thing would go away. I kinda hope she won't want it again anytime soon. Wishful thinking, I'm sure. I feel bad for turning her down so much. She hasn't been trying as much lately, but she sure did this morning, so I just gave in. I have had periods of time where my sex drive was decreased, but NOTHING like this, and it has never lasted even close to this long. I felt obligated to have sex this morning. That's the reason I did it. I didn't want to. It's not just lack of a sex drive; sex is just completely unappealing to me right now. Instead of being fun and enjoyable it feels like a chore. It's really weird. Usually I'm the complete opposite of this.

I got told twice today that I need to gain weight. The first time was by Jenny this morning when we were lying in bed. It was right after we had sex and she was cuddled up to me. She said, "You've gotten really skinny, babe. You need to put some meat on those bones or you're going to look like a skeleton just in time for Halloween." Haha. I asked her how I'm supposed to do that if I'm supposed to be eating healthy. I haven't been eating healthy, by the way. Mostly because Jenny hasn't been either. At least she and Evan eat way healthier than I do on a regular basis though. But we also eat a lot of crap. Especially me. Anyway, she said I don't have to eat less if I eat healthy and that I could still eat junk, but to cut down on it and replace some of it with healthy food. She said she thinks it would help my energy level. I'm sure she's right. I have been eating even more crap since this depression started. Not more of it...less, actually. But it has been making up a larger proportion of my diet. When I'm depressed I eat less. Jenny is jealous of that haha. She does the opposite. I guess I hadn't really noticed that I'd lost more than a few pounds. I thought I'd lost 4 or 5 at the most. But nope, I've lost 12 in the past month. So now I'm down to 163. I'm 6'1" so that's not very much for my height. Plus on my frame it's way too skinny. I shouldn't go below 175. I need to gain that weight back.

We went to dinner at my mom's house tonight, and she also told me that I need to gain weight. She said I was starting to look too skinny and that she's worried about me. I told her she had nothing to worry about. She asked me what's going on with me. I told her that nothing is going on and I'm fine. She said I was lying. I told her I wasn't. She said, "I've been your mother a very long time, Chris. (She has always said that haha.) I know when you're lying, and you're lying right now. You're not fine. Please tell me what's going on." I told her again that I'm fine. She knew I wasn't going to say anything other than that, so she quit prying and dropped it.

It's kind of funny how people can comment on weight loss like that, but if I commented on their weight gain it wouldn't be ok. If Jenny or my mom or anyone really gained weight for whatever reason (other than having a baby, because they have to gain weight for that) and I said, "You're getting kinda fat. You need to lose the weight you've gained. Is everything ok with you?" I'd get killed lol. Especially by Jenny. I would never say that, but still...it's a double standard. I don't care that they told me to gain weight. It doesn't bother me. I know I need to anyway. I just find the double standard interesting.

Red Vines are so good. I love candy.

xxmadsenxx: (Default)
The dry spell is OVER! Very over. As in, it was over a couple times last night, and over again on my lunch break today. I'm sure you all want to know all about that. (Being sarcastic.) But since I have bitched about it so much over the past few months, I figured I should make a post about how I can stop bitching about it now haha. Last night was pretty amazing. And today, about an hour before my lunch break, I got this text: "Hey baby. You should come home on your lunch break. ;) I promise it will be worth your while! xoxo" So, I kept looking at the clock, just waiting until it was time for lunch. So, needless to say, I rushed home haha. It was a great lunch. Then after lunch, I got this text: "I very much enjoyed your lunch break. You should come home for 'lunch' more often. So, how about a repeat of last night tonight? I say we try to put the kids to bed early. Love you!" Yeah, it was hard to think of anything else for the rest of the work day. I'm kind of surprised at how much I got done. I know Evan won't go to bed early. He'll protest, since it's summer and there's no school. So really, it's not even worth trying before 10:00. He's always out playing with his friends until it's almost time for bed now, so hopefully they'll do something that will wear him out so he'll actually want to go to bed haha.

You have no idea how relieved I am that this dry spell is over! Well, you probably do, because of how much I have whined about it. But damn, I'm happy about it. I was already looking forward to this weekend, but now I'm looking forward to it a million times more. Just Jenny and me all weekend, no kids. It's going to be fucking amazing. I am very excited, to say the least.

I still can't get over how amazingly hot this new dark hair is. Seriously.
xxmadsenxx: (Default)
The Smurfs movie was HORRIBLE. It was just as bad as I thought it would be. Evan loved it though, so I guess that's all that matters. As soon as we got home from the movie the other day he said he wanted to see it again. Jenny's daughter is staying with us for the weekend, and luckily she wants to see it (for a second time) too. So Jenny is taking them to see it tonight. I opted out, of course. Normally I wouldn't choose to stay home instead of spending time with Evan, Jenny and her daughter, but fuck that...I'm not sitting through that movie again. I'm not exaggerating, it really was that bad. Besides, alone time is nice. I don't get it very often.

Changing the subject...

Jenny's surgery seems to have worked as far as pain goes. She's not having any of the pains she was having before, and sex doesn't hurt her now. It did a little the first time, but still less than before the surgery. But we have had sex quite a few times since then, and she said it doesn't hurt at all anymore. It was just the first time. So things are picking up and going back to normal there. Thank God! We're both pretty damn happy about that.

I'm pretty excited about this alone time. I'm going to sit here for the next few hours doing absolutely nothing, and it's going to be fabulous. I'm in bed with my laptop just watching TV and not moving, and it's going to stay that way until they get home. I seriously don't even plan on getting out of bed until then. Not even for a cigarette. Well, I say that now...but who knows. If I do get up, it will only be for that reason.

Hopefully the kids will go to bed relatively early tonight so Jenny and I can have some alone time, now that the sex problem is solved. We've been taking full advantage of it all week. I guess it really doesn't matter when the kids go to bed. But the earlier they go to bed, the more time we have alone together. So I hope it's not too late.
xxmadsenxx: (Default)
I'm working right now (but obviously not too hard, since I'm on here) and Jenny keeps sending me sexy/dirty texts. It's extremely distracting, but in a good way. It started with "You know what tomorrow is, right? ;)" As of tomorrow it has been two weeks since her surgery, meaning she can have sex again. The texts just kept coming from there. It's driving me crazy. But once again, in a good way. It sucks that we have to wait until tomorrow...or at least we should. Oh well, I have that "Evan and Daddy Day" with Evan after work anyway. So at least that's a nice distraction. Ok, nice minus the Smurfs. Maybe midnight counts as tomorrow, haha. I'm a bit sexually frustrated, if that isn't extremely obvious lol.

**Edited to add: Jenny just brought me lunch. She wore a shirt that shows a lot of cleavage. She knows I love that shirt on her. It makes her breasts look amazing. I mean, they always look really good, but this is one of those shirts that really shows them off. Not in a slutty way...in a sexy way. She obviously wore that shirt on purpose, for the sake of exciting me more. She's such a tease sometimes. It's ok though. I like it.
xxmadsenxx: (Default)
Sometimes I wonder if part of the reason I miss being with Jenny is the sexual thing. Annie is STILL a virgin, and about a year after our first kiss and six months into our relationship, we still haven't done ANYTHING.

I can't even touch her OVER her pants or she freaks out. I was amazed that she let me slip my hand under her bra the other day. Sorry if that's TMI.

I'm dying though. I haven't had sex in at least a year and a half. It sucks. I have never gone this long without it before.
xxmadsenxx: (Default)
I'm dying here. Annie is still a virgin. She's 23, but she has been holding out. It's kinda cute I guess, but I'm going crazy. I don't even know WHEN the last time I got some was. Not since Jenny and I separated, and that was FOREVER ago.

Fuck.

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