xxmadsenxx: (Default)
Happy Mother's Day to all you moms and moms-to-be out there! I hope you all have a great day today. You deserve it.

I'm very thankful for the moms in my life.

Jenny is such a great mother. You'd never know that she was the opposite of that for a few years by looking at her now. Evan and Ella are lucky to have such a good mom. I couldn't ask for a better mother for my kids. She's sweet, loving, caring, and always thinks of fun things to do with Evan and her daughter. She's also a much better disciplinarian than I am haha. For sure. Not that she's very strict or anything, because she's not. But she's much better at the discipline thing than I am. But yeah, she's an awesome mom. Not to mention, she makes really cute kids. Haha. Or I guess I should say we do.

My mom is amazing beyond amazing. She is by far the strongest person I know. I have said this many, many times before, but she's my rock. She is the one who stood by me through everything and never gave up on me. I put her through A LOT of shit, but she stayed by my side the whole time. She has been there my whole life to love and support me, no matter what. She has made SO many sacrifices for me, and I can never repay her for that. She is such a good grandma to Evan and Ella. I don't know what I would have done without my mom's help when I was on my own with Evan for a few years. I don't think I could have done it without her. My mom is the best mom in the world. I'm proud to be a mama's boy haha. I love my mom to death.

We're going to my mom's house for dinner tonight. It will be me, Jenny, Evan, Ella, B, my mom, my mom's boyfriend, my sister, my brother and his fiancee, my grandma, my aunt, my cousin and his wife, and their son...the one Evan plays with all the time. So it will be nice. I hope all of you guys have a good day too, whether you're celebrating or not!
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Good news: My mom is finished with chemo, and the cancer appears to be gone! I am so happy, so thankful, and so relieved. I seriously don't know what I would do if I lost my mom. I guess I'm a bit of a mama's boy, but she has been there for me through thick and thin, and stood by my side no matter what. I really put her through a lot of shit, but she never gave up on me. I couldn't ask for a better mother. I'm SO glad that they caught it when they did. She's doing really well, and I couldn't be happier about it. :)
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My mom is still doing pretty well. The chemo makes her pretty sick, but her spirits are high and overall she's doing well. I've been spending a lot of time with her. I visit her almost every day. I hate seeing her go through this, but the prognosis seems to be good and she's a really strong person, so I have faith that she'll overcome this. She has such a great attitude about it. My mom has been through more in her life than anyone should have to go through, but she always maintains a positive outlook. It's inspiring. I'm lucky to have her as my mother.

Insomnia is a bitch. This is the third (or is it fourth?) night in a row that I have been up past 5:00am. That's ok for the weekend, though still far from ideal, but the fact that tomorrow (or I guess today) is Monday makes it a bit more of a problem. Oh well. That's what coffee is for, I guess. I swear, I wouldn't survive without coffee and cigarettes haha.

Hmmm, what can I deliriously ramble about? There's not much to do at 5:00 in the morning. I have the urge to break out my guitar, but I don't want to wake up my son or my brother. I can't think of anything else to do though...there's nothing on TV. I wish Jenny was here. Maybe I'll just try to go to sleep again. That's probably a good idea.
xxmadsenxx: (Default)
Here's an entirely positive entry. I have good news.

1) My mom had the surgery, and she's doing pretty well. They did the mastectomy and removed some lymph nodes, and they think they got it all...I guess it was still pretty localized. She'll still be doing chemo for a while, to make sure all the cancer cells are gone/destroyed and to help prevent it from coming back, but things seem to be looking up. I am so relieved. I mean, obviously it's not all over and done with, but her oncologist is hopeful and thinks the prognosis is good. Thank God.

2) Jenny hit her two-year sobriety mark on August 4th. I'm so proud of her. She has made such a huge turnaround. Everything is still great with her.

3) Evan read "Green Eggs and Ham" to me all by himself. The entire book. I didn't have to help him with any of the words. I'm proud of my little guy. He loves reading, too...so that's definitely a good thing.
xxmadsenxx: (Default)
My mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer. They found a lump and biopsied it, and it came back malignant. Further testing showed that it has spread to a few lymph nodes in the area. Her exact diagnosis is invasive ductal carcinoma stage IIB. Luckily it's only in the left breast, but it has spread to the nearby axillary lymph nodes (lymph nodes in the armpit area) on the left side. At least it hasn't spread beyond that, thank God. She's having a mastectomy and lymph node removal, followed by radiation and chemotherapy. She turned 54 two weeks ago...happy birthday, huh?

I know she's upset about the mastectomy, but the doctor said they can do reconstructive surgery fairly soon, after the radiation therapy, so that made her feel a little better about that part of it at least. She's scared to death about all of it, understandably. I wish there was something I could do. I hate that I can't do anything to help her, other than be there for her and give her constant support. She has been through so much already...it's not fair that she has to go through this too. Our family just can't seem to get a break...it's one horrible thing after another. It's been hard, but we have dealt with all of those things together, and we'll get through this together too.

My mom and I are extremely close. I guess you could say I'm a mama's boy. She has always been there for me, through thick and thin. Despite all the shit I pulled and all the problems I've had, she never gave up on me. She taught me the meaning of unconditional love. She HAS to beat this. She's too young to die, and I don't know what I'd do without her. I already lost my twin brother...I can't lose my mom, too. I need her, and I don't want Evan to grow up without her. I've been a complete wreck over this. I try to stay strong for my mom, although we have definitely had a couple emotional moments together over this. But when I'm not around her I basically fall apart. I'm so glad that I have Jenny to support me through all of this. Our relationship is still going amazingly well, and I'm so thankful for that. Having her love and support really helps. My brother, sister and I are all really close to my mom, and we're all really close to each other. I'm grateful for that family support system and that we can all be there for each other and for my mom through this. My mom is the strongest person I know. If anyone can get through this, she can. I just hope to God that she does. I can't bear the thought of losing my mom. 


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April 2013



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