xxmadsenxx: (Default)
My son now officially lives with me, permanently! I still feel like it's a bit sad that Jenny was willing to just hand him over like that, but I'm thrilled about it.

I can't believe he's already two years old! It's amazing how fast time goes by.

I have changed so much in the past year. It's crazy. I don't even have the desire to drink or do drugs, at all. I realize now that it's just not worth it. I have too much to live for, and I can't do that to my son. So I'm still happily sober.

Speaking of sobriety...I found out that my ex-wife has started doing coke on occasion. She flipped the fuck out on me, yet now she's doing the exact same fucking thing. Granted, she's not an addict (yet), but it pisses me off that she's doing that. I found out through a mutual friend. I don't think that Justin (her former ex-husband, now current boyfriend) even knows. I don't like the guy, but I almost want to tell him. I think he should know. I won't though. I don't know...I don't think it's my place to say anything, but I can't decide. What do you think? (If anyone is reading this)

She has been going through a lot lately. Jenny (my ex-wife) is bipolar, and she's been on one of her "crazy streaks" as we jokingly called them for a while. I know that's why she's out doing drugs and drinking. That's not like her, AT ALL. Part of me will always love her, so I'm worried about her. I noticed cuts on her arms the last time I saw her, too. She needs to get help. I don't want to see her keep doing all these self-destructive things. Even though I now have custody, she still needs to be there for Evan, and for her daughter...so she needs to do something about whatever is going on in her life right now.

Oh, Annie and I are together. I know it's a bit soon, but I REALLY like her. A lot. We haven't been together for very long, but I am falling for her, hard. I know I love her, but I'm afraid to tell her...even though we were best friends for months before we started dating. I'm such a fucking chicken about shit like that. I'm still kind of afraid of getting into a new relationship already, but it's exciting at the same time. Annie is an amazing person, and I'm lucky to have her.

Hmmm, what else? Oh, school sucks. I'm sticking with it, but I still hate it. I have a test on Thursday and I have over two hundred fucking pages to read before then. Probably about 250. I'm behind on reading because I procrastinate, bad. Plus I have ADD but I'm obviously not going to take anything like Adderall, or any other "controlled substance". I know it will be worth it in the end, but right now I hate it.

I guess that's enough for now. Sorry, that was long.
xxmadsenxx: (Default)
I haven't been on here forever! I doubt anyone will even read this, but I'm writing because I might get full custody of my son! I don't know why my ex-wife is allowing it, but she is now claiming that she'll let me have full custody. Maybe that way I can move (like I might want to), but I have to do random drug tests because I guess she still wants to make sure I'm over that part of my life.

Anyway, I'm excited. I don't know how she could just GIVE him to me like that. It's like she doesn't even want him, almost. I couldn't just give him to her. It seems like she just wants to go back to her old life, with her ex-husband (now current boyfriend) and their daughter. I'm not going to complain though. I'm happy.

I'm still hanging out with Annie. We're still just best friends, but I'm falling for her. We cuddle all the time, but we don't do anything else. I want to kiss her again, but I'm still afraid that I'm not ready for something yet. I'm torn. It hasn't been long at all, but I'm falling for her anyway. Plus I haven't been clean for a full year yet, and you're technically "not supposed to" start any new relationships within the first year of sobriety.

Hmm. We'll see what happens I guess.
xxmadsenxx: (Default)
I just got back from a trip home to Massachusetts. We were only there for a little over a week, but it was nice to get away. I went with my brother, my mom, and my sister and I took Evan with me. It was the first time in a LONG time that I had gone anywhere with my whole family, and not just my brother. It was really nice. Sometimes I wish I could just up and move there.

Things here are going pretty well. I actually get Evan more than she does. I have him four days a week, and she gets him for three. She agreed to that without a fight. Actually, she's kind of the one that initially proposed that set up. Obviously it will change as he gets older and school becomes a factor, but for right now it works. I'm pretty happy about it.

Life is pretty good right now, given the circumstances. Understandably, I'm still having a really hard time with things, but it's ok. Yes, it still hurts...a lot. Yes, I'm sad that it turned out this way. But it is what it is. They claim that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but this is the first time that I have actually believed that phrase. I think I really will come out much stronger when all of this is said and done.

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xxmadsenxx

April 2013

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