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I'm going to a show tomorrow and I'm pretty stoked about it. It's for the old guitarist (besides me) and bassist of one of my old bands. They have a new band now. They asked me if I wanted to be in it a couple years ago, but I said no. For one thing, I don't really have time. And that was before Ella. Now I have even less time. And for another thing, at this point in my life I'm not comfortable frequenting the bar scene. I don't think that will ever change, really, but who knows. Earlier this year they asked me if they could play a few of our old songs sometimes. I'm glad they asked, because I wrote a lot of them. The majority of them, really. Although the other guitarist also did a lot of writing. We did a lot of writing together. It was probably like a 60/40 split, with me doing 60% of it. I played guitar and sang in that band. Now the other guitarist is the singer. It will be interesting to see what that's like. They asked me if I wanted to play some of our old stuff with them at the show, but I said no. I haven't played those songs forever, let alone sang them. That band broke up like five years ago. Something like that. So it's been a while. Besides, playing without practicing with the band beforehand would be a disaster waiting to happen. I could have practiced with them, but nah. I'm just going to watch.

It's at an all ages venue that doesn't serve alcohol. I'm really glad it's not at a bar. I'm not in a state of mind where I would feel ok going to a bar show. I'm not afraid I'd drink, despite my depression and the alcohol cravings that have been coming and going. It would just make it a lot harder. It would be a really uncomfortable situation, and I can't put myself in a situation like that right now. It would just make me feel worse, and that's something I definitely don't want.

I have a feeling that I'm going to be critical of their renditions of our old songs, whichever ones they play. I won't say anything, of course. But they told me the old songs they're planning on playing, and two of the three are mine, and the third song is one I co-wrote. So even though I told them they could keep using those songs, I still feel like they're mine and I want them to do justice to my songs. So we'll see. It will be cool to hear those songs again.

I'm looking forward to it. I think it will be good for me to get out and do something, and what's better than going to a show? I still keep in touch with these guys. They're not into drugs and they always respected my sobriety when I got sober, so I don't have to worry about that like I would probably have to with other bands I've been in. The band I had with those guys was the last band I was in. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it sometimes, but I just can't do the band thing right now. Going to watch them play will be fun though. I'm sure it will bring on nostalgia, but it will be fun. I'm excited about it. It's nice to be excited about something, even something small, because I haven't felt that way about anything for a while.

Band Days

Aug. 21st, 2012 10:11 pm
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Sorry, I'm on a posting spree.

Sometimes I really, really, really fucking miss being in a band. I had so much fun playing in bands. Some of the funnest times of my life. There's just something about playing live in front of people. I still love playing guitar by myself or with friends, but playing in a band is so much different. I love the energy of playing live. I love the loudness. I just love all of it. I haven't played in a band in a long time now. Five-ish years. But it was so much fun.

There were some drawbacks though.

When I first started dating Jenny I was in two bands, and it made our relationship kind of difficult. One time I only saw her twice in over a month because I was touring around with my band. I think it was close to six weeks. That was before we were married, so we'd been together for less than a year...maybe only like six or seven months. I don't remember. But it was hard on both of us. Later on in our relationship it caused problems. Playing bars meant I was drunk all the time (not like that wasn't true most of the time regardless), and that caused problems. Me being away playing shows caused problems. Especially once Evan came around. When he was a baby that caused a lot of problems. When I had my last relapse I was touring with my band and fighting with Jenny over it. I'll admit, I was selfish. I didn't have my priorities straight. I put drinking, drugs, and my band first a lot of the time, and that's a huge part of the reason we got divorced. The drinking and drugs played a much bigger part than the band did, for sure. But the band had a role in our break up, because it contributed to the drinking, drugs, and fighting. We would have gotten divorced whether I was in a band or not. But it didn't help. It wasn't the fact that I was in a band that caused problems. Jenny liked it at first. It was just everything that came with it and the fact that I let it take up so much of my time and energy that caused problems. I could have and should have handled it differently. I know that now, but I'm much, much different now, and that's a really good thing.

It would be fun to be in a band again. I'd know how to handle things this time, and I don't think it would cause problems. But 1) I don't have time, 2) I don't think being around the bar scene is a very good idea for me, and 3) I feel kind of old for that...but I know plenty of people still play in bands when they're my age or older. At this point in my life, being in a band wouldn't be the greatest idea. There are parts of it I miss, but there are also parts of it I don't miss. I just get nostalgic sometimes, I guess.

Honestly, I don't think it would be the same sober. That doesn't necessarily mean that it wouldn't be as much fun, but it might mean that. There was so much alcohol and so many drugs. Drugs and alcohol were everywhere, and it was pretty fucking fantastic at the time. I got so much free alcohol, and so many free drugs. Coke was all over the place. And before Jenny, so many girls. Seriously, you want to get a lot of girls, join a band. Girls seem to be drawn to guys in bands. Granted, a good portion of those girls aren't the type of girls you'd really want a long-term relationship with, but some of them are. That's definitely not what I wanted out of it though. It was quantity over quality for me for a while, for sure. I wouldn't want that now if I was single. But when I was younger I fucking loved all the attention from girls.

That whole "sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll" thing really was a lot of fun. I prefer my life now though. I'd never trade what I have with Jenny and my kids for that old lifestyle. Yeah, I had fun, but so many bad things came along with it. I'd much rather be a sober family man than a constantly fucked up manwhore in a band haha.

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